Wall Street's Hiring the Wrong Mfs

what happens when companies become too HR brained and ruin the golden age of finance

wasnt planning on writing abt the saturation of wall street but i got prompted to by a message i was the other day. im in this group chat w one of my homies from home and then like 5 Rs he went to college with and then one other chad who’s just androgenic but miami based. in this chat they mainly just send fan fiction about their girl getting fucked by chase west at club space so i ignore it but they sent something that caught my eye and i had to lock in immeed and pump a stack abt it

theres so much more too

below is the post they sent in its entirety and it just really triggered me bc i genuinely cant fathom how broken of a human you have to be to do something like this. when im god emperor, anyone who does shit like this is being tied to train tracks and run over by the new high speed rail i’ll be instituting (left wing dogwhistle i know).

so allegedly its just one kid thats been doing this and its some fuckin chud who already has an offer from PJT. which for you non ball knowers is an elite boutique investment bank.

this is what makes this even more annoying imo. like this kid already has a job that a lot of ppl would probably kill a small animal for and hes going out of his way to ruin other peoples careers before it even starts and for what?

its such a scarcity mindset ass thing to do and it fucking drives me up a wall. bc this so called high iq person that goes to a good school and did all the work to get into a prestigious job post grad isnt capable of doing a simple cost benefit analysis here. the cost is that everyone finds out how much of a piece of shit u are and then a couple things happen from there

1. he is definitely going to be ostracized socially at the school. which may not matter bc someone who does something like this is unlikely to have been a social player before but still

2. ppl are gonna seek retribution! in the thread ppl are talking about contacting PJT to get HIS offer revoked. which like obviously that would happen dude

The benefits are as follows

1. nothing

there is genuinely nothing this F had to gain by doing this. and he had a lot to potentially lose. so from that, any intelligent person would not take this course of action. but theres obviously probably something deeper going on here internally for the aforementioned chud.

mfs in the thread are saying that he wasnt accepted by the chads who ran in the finance circles at his school and this was his way of exacting revenge bc he wasnt a cool kid. which like is genuinely the most pathetic thing i’ve ever heard but is honestly a good microcosm for our current society. its not enough for a lot of people to win; they also want to be deemed cool by doing so. and in a lot of cases it just ends up making everyone hate u and think ur the biggest loser to walk the earth (see elon musk).

this is also something thats indicative of a larger problem thats been developing in the finance world. bc of the large influx of ppl who see finance as their ultimate goal, it has become giga competitive to get access to the finite seats these firms have for internships/early career roles. this is what creates the situation above. it’s a logical endpoint of a system that rewards neurotic win at all costs energy.

gone are the days where you could just walk in and give a firm handshake while being white and youd get a job on the spot. now you genuinely have to be putting in work from the second you step onto your college campus just to be on the same playing field as everyone else. and if you wanna have a leg up, i’ve seen mfs start asking for coffee chats while in high school!

stephen schwartzman (current ceo of blackstone) on how he landed his first role. legit so funny

i mean if u crunch the numbers on it, there’s really only about 1500-2000 IB seats being filled each cycle in NY and probably around 3-5000 nationwide if u wanna include every investment bank that operates. thats not that many. think about how many chads there are that have watched wolf of wall street or margin call (neither focus on IB roles i know but most ppl who like those movies dont know theres a distinction). if we wanna talk S&T roles; its like around 1,000 roles there so even less.

the unfortunate reality that this creates is that there has to be a way for the dumb cunts that work in HR to filter down all the mfs who are applying for these limited roles. typical acceptance rate at a good bank is a tad under 1%ish so they’re dealing with tens of thousands of applications that are coming in each recruiting cycle. ppl in HR obviously dont want to/cant interview all of them so there are arbitrary qualifications they use to filter ppl out. think gpa, major, college, clubs, work history, references, etc.

hr is literally adult daycare

the problem compounds upon itself bc as more ppl keep applying the bar keeps getting raised higher and the only ppl able to meet this incredible standard being set are psychotic ppl who will do anything in their power to get the position bc that’s the only way they can consider themselves a “success”. ultimately these are not the people you want crowding your workplace. it creates an environment where anyone in your analyst class will sabotage another person just to save face or to get the promotion they want.

the real people you want, the people like the finance gigachads of the past, are too busy having fun in college getting racked and getting on play to become president of 16 clubs and do 30 hours of outreach a week so they are becoming less and less prevalent in new analyst classes. these are your rainmakers tho.

the neurotic fucks are gonna be better at modeling and fixing decks and doing all the grunt work but when you want someone to create good relationships w a whale client u need the giga chad. u need the guy who has the bag on him ready to go when the client wants to hit the box after the comped dinner at cote. anyone who is willing to sell out other people for no gain of his own is not gonna be able to provide this dexterity to close a deal.

this is who will make u infinite money bc of his charizz

ultimately, i think the banks probably have a some sort of a gauge on this happening and their internal policy is along the lines of “we are gonna weed everyone down based on arbitrary BS that proves they are able to work hard and then select the best personalities from there”. i just think this probably eliminates some gigachads who would be goated and lets in some chuds like our PJT loser from earlier.

and its honestly hilarious bc there has been a quasi solution to this that has already metastasized. the chads who miss out on getting the IB job out of college will just chadram into a normal not stressful job and then hit business school after a couple years. business school is literally just a 2 year vacation where the chad returns to a life focused on getting racked and getting on play and he emerges to acquire an associate role at the investment bank. now the chad basically where they would be if they had entered IB immediately after college but instead of having years of experience to work off they are functionally useless

its like a widely known thing that MBA associates are useless but the banks need the CHADS

so this whole roundabout way of hiring ends up just being a huge net negative for the banks. associate level mbas arent capable of doing anything for the first two years. meanwhile this chad could’ve been working at your bank for the last 4 years, learning everything but noooooooooooo. they got denied thru recruitment bc they didnt have 67 extracurriculars. they only had 67 stacys in their rotation.

there is a fix to this tho. if i had an investment bank, i would have two separate roles for entry level analysts. one would be the Chad/Chadette Analyst Role. this is for personable mfs who are gonna be bred to become my rainmakers and rizz all over clients faces and make me fuck ton of money in new deals. then there would be the Workhorse Analyst Role. these are my grunts. cannon fodder if you will. they will be put it into a windowless room where they will be fed enough food for 75% of them. every week we will unlock the door and remove the remains of the grunts who didnt make it. and from this we will spawn money from the sky.

-R