Biggest life hack u never knew u needed

after this you can say basically whatever u want to whoever u want

This is gonna change ur life. Well it’ll change ur life if ur someone who likes to hate/talk shit about other people but would like to do it in a way that mitigates blowback on you being called a shitty person, prick, dickhead, bitch, asshole, fuckface, etc. Now im not claiming to be the inventor of this hack but i am definitely someone who abuses the fuck out of it.

So here it is, its honestly very simple and its probably something you’ve heard before. All you gotta do to reach the self-actualization peak of free speech is to just say “respectfully” before or after whatever heinous thing you want to so to or about someone. Personally i prefer saying it after whatever bullshit im emitting into the universe as i feel it stays fresher in the recipients brain and this way i think the negative perception of whatever ur saying is stifled more effectively.

Now obviously theres limitations to what u can get away with saying. Like if you were to go up to Peter Dinklage in a grocery store as he’s struggling to reach the middle shelf to grab something and say “hey bud it’d probably be easier for u to grab that box of lucky charms if u weren’t a fucking dwarf, respectfully” he would most likely still be upset with you. but honestly now that i think about it, i genuinely think his anger would turn to confusion because of the respectfully thrown in at the end. there’s a decent chance he’d fixate heavily on the respectfully which would give u the chance to talk him down from the ledge of fighting u or something. at the same time its peter dinklage so all you’d have to do give him a slight push and he’d fall over bc hes so damn top heavy with the way he totes around that massive domicile of his. he’d probably still think u were a dick tho so the “respectfully” gambit isn’t bulletproof but like i said i think it’d still help.

its interesting as to why this strategy works. my hypothesis is that most people are pretty conflict averse (bitchmade) so if u give them an out the human brain will just default to taking it. people dont wanna argue and it’s something that i feel like is becoming increasingly more evident as time passes on and the soyboy archetype takes over. gone are the days when if u even mildly upset some chad they’d roll up their sleeves and go “why i oughta” before one tapping u into an early slumber and then dipping their blonde wife and making out with them publicly while everyone claps and cheers. we’re truly losing recipes.

now this has a lot to do with he fact that u cant really get away with petty violence anymore. which i think is kinda fucking dumb. this is turning into a tangential tirade but im in a flow state and really wanna talk abt this now. in the first episode of the sopranos (shoutout Del Flazium) tony literally runs over some cuck in front of dude’s office building and then proceeds to get out the whip and beat the shit out of him with chrissy tapping in too. there’s no repercussions for this event though here were hella people on the office lawn. i think everyone should get one excused physical altercation per month. bc some people (like me) are really taking advantage of the fact that u can just say anything to people and throw in a respectfully and u cant do anything abt it bc is it really worth catching a charge?

holy shit i just got reminded of this dumb (lowkey lit) shit i did once. last time i was in new york (circa march 2024) i was at some bar with some of my friends. i went up to a group of guys bc they just screamed FLID (fucking long island douchebag). turns out they were from jersey but same thing so i proceeded to just make fun of jersey and them for being from jersey while throwing some “respectfullys” in there. now they were definitely mad and were chirping back but ultimately nothing came of it. the kicker is that the next day at the solomun concert im walking to the bar to reup on stella artois’s (teksupport’s official beer sponsor) and i feel some chad grab me. i turn around and its those same guys and they start apologizing to me. they’re like “bro we’re so sorry for getting tight* with you last night you were being mad funny actually so we just wanted to say sorry”. im shocked im getting this response from them but i just took it and was like “yall r good” and dapped them all up. crazy turn of events. power of the “respectfully” i guess.

* “tight” is jersey speak for being pressed at someone

we kinda went off the rails here but the larger point still stands: if u wanna be a dick to people and minimize the repercussions that u have to deal your solution is right here. try it out and let me know what results u get; if i can help just one person insult someone and get away with it, i’ll die happy.

P.S. crowdsourced some examples of respectfully in action along with some context for each and wanted to show y’all

• sender knew this chick for like a week and utilized this fire rizz

• sender is saying he would prefer to procreate with a melon rather than REDACTED

• sender is making derogatory terms about simone biles in the context of a conversation about how gymnasts (male and female) have weird body types

• sender and recipient are seen going respectfully for respectfully here, larger context being recipient didn’t have hoes to bring to the function and was defending herself

• sender is articulating that there is no need to be in memphis any longer than necessary

  • this is highkey slander memphis is top 2 city in the states

    • new york and memphis are 1.A and 1.B