this guys so fucking funny. like imagine being a boulder and being like “wait i need to become more boulder-like just to prove that i can”. such a funny mindset. but even the 300 pound genetically modified gorilla ltrly says in his other content that you should not emulate his behavior. which like really shouldnt be something he has to say but i digress anyway.

i personally think all this shit is hilarious and ultimately a net positive bc i have a brain and can discern what i digest as useful information i should model myself after vs stimulus that is essentially tantamount to entertainment. Most of the looksmaxxing stuff falls in the latter for me and should for most ppl unless you are looking to make money off looksmaxxing.

unfortunately to the average person (moron), the looksmaxxing tomfoolery is akin to the coming of the antichrist. they legit cant fathom why an autistic 19 yr old would go to such extreme lengths to look better because they’ve been conditioned to just coast thru life being told what to do and never actually commit themselves 100% to anything. so ppl like clav bother them on a spiritual level. they just dont understand what it means to believe something with every fiber of your being and then act on it.

these ppl have been programmed to be angry at the wrong thing. what i’ll be discussing in this piece (after an unnecessarily long intro) is that the antichrist isnt the looksmaxxers. its actually the “5-9 before my 9-5!” man children who are the problem. its these performative goy beings with no semblance of a real personality who jump on the internet and shield themselves behind “positivity” to indulge their own inflated sense of self that we need to focus our outrage on.

its jack nau nau, chase ridgeway, anthony gross, and the biggest wolf in sheep’s clothing, noah rolette, who we need to be hating on. these are the people who should be stopped. leave the looksmaxxers who smash their own faces and are test dummies for chinese research chemicals alone. we need those people to be the jesters they are and to test the limits of man. as a society we need to shift focus how we can eliminate the performatively positive male.

sometimes i make the mistake of assuming everyone else is in the same sections of the internet as i am (really not my mistake tbh, some of u just dont know ball). so im gonna dive into the characters above so you can understand what im talking about and understand how evil and detrimental to our world they are. the main gist of their videos always revolves around exercising and being in shape and being positive and stupid shit like that in what is ultimately a roundabout way of getting attention and then bitches

Jack Nau Nau

Jack nau nau is probably the most widely known performativemaxxer in the scene so imma start with him. he’s the best at what he does. you could call him the Michael Jordan of being performatively postive. and some of you may be surprised by this, but hes actually the one that i dislike the least.

jacks prob not the first mf to do a morning w me vid; but hes the first mf i saw who does these types of videos. im also p sure he’s the one who pioneered hitting them folks and hitting the nae nae in the videos which is adjacent to oppenhimmy creating the nuclear bomb in its affect on the world. he films the classic vids where he does his random morning routine bullshit like eating a protein bar and running 8 miles while high fiving everyone he sees in the streets.

this is a stereotypical JNN post right here. ltrly nothing going on other then doing health shit and dancing and then hitting u with the “match my vibe or scroll” bs to make u feel bad if u cringed while watching him do his whole humiliation ritual

the reason i think hes the least insufferable is bc his whole schtick blurs the line of being performative and genuine. like i just really think that dude is actually that annoying in real life. its like the performative positivity has taken over every fiber of his being and now thats just what he is now.

you can tell by peoples responses to him that they feel it as well. he has the best reactions from the randos he interacts with in his videos bc they arent able to see thru the veil hes got set up. bc its lowk not a veil anymore. it has fused into his face and now thats just what he is. annoying and positive at all times and so outgoing that hes gonna force u to acknowledge what hes become.

i just cant say the same for the other people i’ll be going over. everyone else the shtick feels forced to varying degrees. some of them can hide the inauthentic nature of their performative hijinx better than others but Jack Nau nau is like a shapeshifter. he has become the amalgamation of commercially viable positivity. it’s like if deloitte designed a human. very eerie but impressive nonetheless

the one chink in his armor comes with his whole “stop gooning” gimmick. now im not saying this bc i think gooning is sick. i think porn is a scourge on our society and the ones pushing it to our society should be rounded up and put in mr beast camps. thats a convo for another day tho. the reason the whole stop gooning thing is weird to me is bc it indicates that jack nau nau definitely was/potentially still is super addicted to stroking his shi. like thats the only reason that hed be so adamant to shout “stop gooning” in so many videos where the main message has nothing really to do with self mutilation

its like if u met a guy and every convo u had with him would always somehow go back to him saying something like “dont ever try to suck a horses dick”. youd assume that he at some point tried to suck a horses dick and it went at least somewhat poorly for him. same shit applies to jack nau nau and his obsession with eradicating gooning.

this is by far the funniest shit bro has done tho. like i die laughing everytime i watch this dude start out in a fuckin peter millar polo and then slowly assemble his “wigger” (shoutout chet hanx for reclaiming that one) outfit to go to the lil baby show. like it starts out normal and then just gets more and more insane.

the white long sleeve is whatever, the black dickies are a bit overplayed but hes not a fashion guy so whatever. then he goes NUCLEAR with the gunna t shirt. which is so good bc this was during the peak of gunna and lil baby beefing. and bro was like “ya this shits hard everyones gonna love this one”. im p sure he saw the comments and ended up changing out of it which is probably good for preventing bodily harm from coming his way in a city thats as fucking close to a GTA server as u can get. quick side story: my friend was in a bar in atlanta once and they played freestyle by lil baby (banger) and he almost got his ass beat bc he didnt stand up at attention for it. like he was just sitting down minding his own business and these guys were pressed to the point where it almost got physical bc my bro didnt treat it like the fucking national anthem. Back to jack tho, he finishes the fit with a gigantorish fitted hat and jordans. so good. no notes

Chase Ridgeway

this guys like the second most popular positivity peddler after our glorious king jack nau nau. chase basically fits the same mold as jack NN so theres really not much else to say abt him. he’s like moderately less social and less natural in everything that he does so his content is a bit more awkward to consume but its basically the same shit. he does the “good morning good morning good morning” homoerotic rigamarole too but i think he nae naes and hits the whip less. just gonna drop some of his fye below so yall can consume

basically the same shit as jack nau. chase’s physique may be a little more chiseled? but he doesnt have a stacy that runs w him so he loses points there. biggest thing i notice is that his high 5 gimmick doesnt work as well as nau nau’s and that lowkirk proves my point above

Anthony Gross

ohhhhhhh my goddddddddd this guys so awful man. his beady little soulless eyes stare into the camera yearning and longing for even the smallest little morsel of approval from the masses. its so transparent that he just wants to be liked by people and hes never once felt like he was actually wanted by society.

this wanna be energy is palpable in his videos. he clearly just wants to go viral and will try/do anything to reach that goal. the problem is that bc he has no real personality other than being annoying his shit just doesnt perform as well. and its due to the fact that ppl can consciously or subconsciously identify how ingenuine of a person he is and so they just dont engage w his shit as much as a jack nau nau or chase ridgemid. i truly believe that he has become so content brained that he has completely lost what it is that makes someone human and thats his biggest roadblock to actually achieving his goals. a real catch 22

i hope one day you find fulfillment bc i can tell in ur dead eyes that you know no rest at this current time

obviously when hes looking for a restaurant to go eat he just picks whatever is most viral on tiktok. ltrly makes me wanna spiral. another reason why new york sucks now. everyone is making every single decision on what to do based on whatever is blowing up on social media. like u should never wait in line to get a fucking bagel w a schmear just bc paige pepperidge on tiktok said that its the best thing ever. ltrly grow brain cells and be better

i mean this is just a homoerotic masterpiece. if i had known this glaze house was happening, i deadass wouldve tried to get invited just so i could kill myself in front of them and forever change their bond and the trajectory of their lives

this is when he quit his job bc he couldnt handle cold calling and then was spiraling for a brief min so he was making all these sad reels to engagement farm his way out the trenches

this is when he was doing a bunch of stupid ass reels showing himself jestermaxxing in the past and then cutting to himself seriousmaxxing in the present. as a way to show his growth and transformation i guess. he looks like a down syndrome kid in both eras of his life so if i was him id at least try to escape that by being fucked up like in the first vid but thats just me

thats a huge motif in his content too that really aggravates me. he has a huge superiority complex bc he doesnt go out and bev or geek and its like dude u ltlry just make reels on the internet. u can be hung ched bomb and do so. the bigjohngolfs guy ltrly enters yodieland and bevmaxxes every single day and is lapping u on follower count. so ur larping as if ur just locking when in reality u just got no bitches on ur dick. i see thru ur bullshit bro ur not fooling me

Noah Rolette

this ones like lowkirk a little out of left field if you dont know ball abt this whole subset of man but trust me noah Rolette is a demon sent to destroy our society from within. the reason he in particular sucks so hard is because hes done the unthinkable: hes taken two different versions of the performative male and combined them into one giga douchebag possessing levels of superficiality that were once only considered as possible in a theoretical sense.

the reason this mf sucks the most is bc he took the teachings of jack nau nau and used that as a foundation of his bullshit persona. he then added the bushwick patchwork tattoo and vintage wearing manlet to that foundation to create the abomination that we see today.

“ooooh look at me im in great shape and have a 6 pack but wait i smoke cigs and weed so theres some edge to me too but wait again i drive a big truck that i drive but WAIT AGAIN I ALSO HAVE THESE STUPID ASS TATTOOS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE DRAWN BY THE LIGHT OF A CAMPFIRE ON THE OREGON TRAIL”. and after all that he finally has a rocket gf too. fuck u dude some of us got this shit out the mud. some of us pulled rockets while being skinny fat and armed with nothing but a silver tongue and an addiction to stimulants. would love to see u try to do that shit pussy

the worst thing about noah rolette tho is the fact that hes allegedly a fucking deadbeat dad. which is something that it seems he is trying to hide at all costs. he posts all this bullshit content about his life and everything he does and never mentions the fact or shows that he ltrly has a child who wouldnt be able to pick him out of a police lineup. like between posting about why his current gf (not his baby momma) is a huge idiot dummy who cant control her emotions and posting a thirst trap of him being performative on the stairmaster, youd think he could post like a happy bday for his kid or some shit. but no he has to show off his abs instead. whatever man. other ppl may not see thru ur facade but i do and i think that u can be better as a man. thats all

this tricks so many ppl. mf is hiding behind a fake whimsy and playful demeanor when in reality he just wants u to think hes cool and different.

this ones so funny. basically he just rambles for two minutes about he’s so stoic and so good at life and how hes cracked the code to responding to a negative thing that happened to him. he then goes onto to detail how his girlfriend, rocket, fucking sucks shit at dealing with these things. the entire vid is him just posturing about how hes better than his gf which is just such a funny thing to record and then subsequently post on the internet to hundreds of thousands of ppl

kinda the same as the video above. “oooh look at how nonchalant and carefree i am while my girlfriend (massive naggy bitch) just doesnt get it lol”. like. idk how ppl see this content and dont think that this guys a massive piece of shit who clearly thinks hes better than everyone including his super hot gf

just a thirst trap here which like if u wanna be that guy go for it but again, you have a gf and a child that doesnt know what u look like. i guess in theory the kid can look at this tho

The impersonators

I hate this whole archetype of man a lot as you can probably tell by the fact that i’ve spent a few hours of my time angrily typing away ~3500 words, but the saddest part abt this being a thing is the people who try to impersonate the aforementioned dickheads. just look at these examples of some poor mfs who think they can just emulate the people above and reap the same success. thats just not how it works; they look so ridiculous i genuinely cannot believe that they watched these videos back and were like “ya dih bih gah lets throw it up on the gram”. prepare ur eyes bc the shit before has at least had some redeeming qualities but whats coming up is some hot ass

i mean this is just so horrible. this poor guy got oneshotted to publicly participate into this humiliation ritual not realizing that he has no real ability to create what the people above have created. fuckin turkish quandale dingle is a more talented dancer than bro. he has no gravitas and then stops the music halfway thru to preach at u in a fucking exaggerated ass inflection and tell u to be better. mf how abt u get better? im looking at ur life and im like this shit looks ass bro. u dress like shit, u dont go to a fire gym w hot huzz everywhere, ur hair sucks, and u def get no bitches. why would i listen to u?

just another humiliation ritual. still dressed like shit. shades look stupid. and ur preaching to me again? mfs asking me what have i done to go grow closer to god? what about u dude? ur posting online to get the approval of others. which is ltrly some shit the bible says somewhere not to do im p sure. SHUT UP

all of these guys think its so sick to just posture abt how theyre active and dont take breaks. fuckin even god rested on the 7th day. u dont have to fucking hit the nae nae and cold plunge everyday i promise u can do bag and veg out sometimes. itll be ok

these people are insane. like could not imagine seeing them out in the wild. its deadass another situation where i think self immolating in front of them is the only course of action. again its a clear course of action where theyre trying to do whatever they can to go viral. theyre like a year late on the ashton hall shtick and obv werent able to think of anything original to add to it to make it humorous so it just doesnt hit. and then theyre doing this fucking stupid ass “shwoo!” thing which i can only assume they’re trying to make a signature that ppl recognize them by. a la jack nau nau hitting them folks with the ferocity of a category 5 hurricane. but jack nau nau looks somewhat coordinated and normal and not like someone youd pepper spray. meanwhile these guys look like jehovahs witness who are showing up to ruin your day. 0/10 all around

some closing thoughts

i really hate that this is my longest piece of work i’ve written for this stupid website. but like someone had to do it fr. unfortunately that someone had to be me bc no one else is willing to stand up to these positivity bullies. and thats really the sentiment that i want to push here at the end and leave u guys with. the thing that annoys me the most abt these insufferable fuckwads isnt the fact that that theyre doing the whole internet thing where theyre putting themselves out there in hopes of gaining recognition and monetary rewards. thats fine whatever do ur thing. the problem i find is that theyre positioning their content in a way that cant be criticized. bc if u do u just get labeled a “hater" or ur not “matching their vibes” or “you just hate them bc theyre happy”. they wear this whole schtick of performative positivity like its a bullet proof vest. meanwhile the mfs in question are literally porn addicts, or soulless content farms, or just a mf who hates his hot girlfriend and doesnt talk to his own kid. and im the bad guy? fuck u

-R

below is the post they sent in its entirety and it just really triggered me bc i genuinely cant fathom how broken of a human you have to be to do something like this. when im god emperor, anyone who does shit like this is being tied to train tracks and run over by the new high speed rail i’ll be instituting (left wing dogwhistle i know).

so allegedly its just one kid thats been doing this and its some fuckin chud who already has an offer from PJT. which for you non ball knowers is an elite boutique investment bank.

this is what makes this even more annoying imo. like this kid already has a job that a lot of ppl would probably kill a small animal for and hes going out of his way to ruin other peoples careers before it even starts and for what?

its such a scarcity mindset ass thing to do and it fucking drives me up a wall. bc this so called high iq person that goes to a good school and did all the work to get into a prestigious job post grad isnt capable of doing a simple cost benefit analysis here. the cost is that everyone finds out how much of a piece of shit u are and then a couple things happen from there

1. he is definitely going to be ostracized socially at the school. which may not matter bc someone who does something like this is unlikely to have been a social player before but still

2. ppl are gonna seek retribution! in the thread ppl are talking about contacting PJT to get HIS offer revoked. which like obviously that would happen dude

The benefits are as follows

1. nothing

there is genuinely nothing this F had to gain by doing this. and he had a lot to potentially lose. so from that, any intelligent person would not take this course of action. but theres obviously probably something deeper going on here internally for the aforementioned chud.

mfs in the thread are saying that he wasnt accepted by the chads who ran in the finance circles at his school and this was his way of exacting revenge bc he wasnt a cool kid. which like is genuinely the most pathetic thing i’ve ever heard but is honestly a good microcosm for our current society. its not enough for a lot of people to win; they also want to be deemed cool by doing so. and in a lot of cases it just ends up making everyone hate u and think ur the biggest loser to walk the earth (see elon musk).

this is also something thats indicative of a larger problem thats been developing in the finance world. bc of the large influx of ppl who see finance as their ultimate goal, it has become giga competitive to get access to the finite seats these firms have for internships/early career roles. this is what creates the situation above. it’s a logical endpoint of a system that rewards neurotic win at all costs energy.

gone are the days where you could just walk in and give a firm handshake while being white and youd get a job on the spot. now you genuinely have to be putting in work from the second you step onto your college campus just to be on the same playing field as everyone else. and if you wanna have a leg up, i’ve seen mfs start asking for coffee chats while in high school!

i mean if u crunch the numbers on it, there’s really only about 1500-2000 IB seats being filled each cycle in NY and probably around 3-5000 nationwide if u wanna include every investment bank that operates. thats not that many. think about how many chads there are that have watched wolf of wall street or margin call (neither focus on IB roles i know but most ppl who like those movies dont know theres a distinction). if we wanna talk S&T roles; its like around 1,000 roles there so even less.

the unfortunate reality that this creates is that there has to be a way for the dumb cunts that work in HR to filter down all the mfs who are applying for these limited roles. typical acceptance rate at a good bank is a tad under 1%ish so they’re dealing with tens of thousands of applications that are coming in each recruiting cycle. ppl in HR obviously dont want to/cant interview all of them so there are arbitrary qualifications they use to filter ppl out. think gpa, major, college, clubs, work history, references, etc.

the problem compounds upon itself bc as more ppl keep applying the bar keeps getting raised higher and the only ppl able to meet this incredible standard being set are psychotic ppl who will do anything in their power to get the position bc that’s the only way they can consider themselves a “success”. ultimately these are not the people you want crowding your workplace. it creates an environment where anyone in your analyst class will sabotage another person just to save face or to get the promotion they want.

the real people you want, the people like the finance gigachads of the past, are too busy having fun in college getting racked and getting on play to become president of 16 clubs and do 30 hours of outreach a week so they are becoming less and less prevalent in new analyst classes. these are your rainmakers tho.

the neurotic fucks are gonna be better at modeling and fixing decks and doing all the grunt work but when you want someone to create good relationships w a whale client u need the giga chad. u need the guy who has the bag on him ready to go when the client wants to hit the box after the comped dinner at cote. anyone who is willing to sell out other people for no gain of his own is not gonna be able to provide this dexterity to close a deal.

ultimately, i think the banks probably have a some sort of a gauge on this happening and their internal policy is along the lines of “we are gonna weed everyone down based on arbitrary BS that proves they are able to work hard and then select the best personalities from there”. i just think this probably eliminates some gigachads who would be goated and lets in some chuds like our PJT loser from earlier.

and its honestly hilarious bc there has been a quasi solution to this that has already metastasized. the chads who miss out on getting the IB job out of college will just chadram into a normal not stressful job and then hit business school after a couple years. business school is literally just a 2 year vacation where the chad returns to a life focused on getting racked and getting on play and he emerges to acquire an associate role at the investment bank. now the chad basically where they would be if they had entered IB immediately after college but instead of having years of experience to work off they are functionally useless

so this whole roundabout way of hiring ends up just being a huge net negative for the banks. associate level mbas arent capable of doing anything for the first two years. meanwhile this chad could’ve been working at your bank for the last 4 years, learning everything but noooooooooooo. they got denied thru recruitment bc they didnt have 67 extracurriculars. they only had 67 stacys in their rotation.

there is a fix to this tho. if i had an investment bank, i would have two separate roles for entry level analysts. one would be the Chad/Chadette Analyst Role. this is for personable mfs who are gonna be bred to become my rainmakers and rizz all over clients faces and make me fuck ton of money in new deals. then there would be the Workhorse Analyst Role. these are my grunts. cannon fodder if you will. they will be put it into a windowless room where they will be fed enough food for 75% of them. every week we will unlock the door and remove the remains of the grunts who didnt make it. and from this we will spawn money from the sky.

-R

so me and my wonderful amazing mom went to bermuda last year around this time to aurafarm and flex on the mfs who cant just abscond to a tiny little island in the middle of the atlantic ocean. i really wasnt expecting much from that shi i just thought it was gonna be like nassau where its like the Caribbean nice clear water but kinda ratchet as fuck

i was pleasantly surprised tho. that shit was like a magical wonderland in the middle of the ocean. everything wAs clean as fuck. never felt unsafe. water was so clear u could see thru that shit. aura was off the charts. british hungs wearing linens on sailboats all around us as we were eating a nice lunch on the waters edge. i came out of there wanting to buy a crib there to abscond to and never speak to any of my day1s again. it was that fye.

the reason for bermuda being this heaven on earth is because of a few things imo. taxes are nonexistent basically (thats why hella insurance, reinsurance, and holding Co’s are based there), the weather is perfect (shit ltrly stays between 60-85 year round), the scenery is beautiful (clear ass water that you would NOT be able to fuck in discreetly), and most importantly they have strict ass laws that they will basically kill u for breaking. oooooh its so fuckin sick

now theres a lot of places in the world that have great weather, scenery, and low/no taxes, but theyre all missing that last piece of the puzzle. if u dont have strict laws that ur willing to punish people beyond what is reasonable, your beautiful utopia will turn into a shit hole (see the entire western world for the most part). people suck ass and they dont know how to keep a good thing going. they will ruin it unless you make sure they dont. this is what bermuda understands perfectly. and this is why i love it.

the first insane rule i heard was when i was first stepping onto the island. i overheard some stacy say to their chud husband “make sure not to throw that away in a trash can, if they catch u littering its a $5,000 fine.” ooooooowheeeeeee the way my heart soared when i heard this. 5k fine for throwing a gum wrapper on the street? YES YES YES. imo it should be more severe maybe a public beating or something like having to eat whatever u littered but 5k is a good start. and guess what i fucking noticed when i walked around the streets there? theres no trash on the ground. anywhere. in a world where u cant streetview a random location in india without seeing a pile of trash taller than victor wembanyama, the Bermudians solved this issue. and they did it by financially murdering u if u break this simple tenet. its so goated

i dont even give a shit about the earth. this is not some hippie save the planet shit. i just want my personal environment to be clean. i dont wanna see a filled condom on the ground when im going to the beach. i want to experience the world without trash piling up and swallowing me whole

the next giga rule i encountered was after my mom and I had our old money lunch at the yacht club. i wanted a little sweet treat after my asahi super dry and mahi mahi sandwich so i went and got a popsicle. i was still throating that shit when my mom and I were stepping onto the bus to go to the beach (u can actually ride the bus there bc its clean and nice and perfect and amazing) when the driver looked at me and said “no”. she said theres no eating on the bus!

so i stepped off and deleted my popsicle and hopped on the next bus. and guess what? i was perfectly ok with it. bc i saw the end result of the fact that they dont allow any fuckery on the bus. the shit was clean. the problem with the US is that the rules are enforced at random and most of them are so arbitrary that it just leaves u wondering why the fuck they even bother enforcing it. like either be like the bermudians and drone strike anyone who breaks rules or dont fucking bother me by saying “no drinking on the subway” when theres a fucking crackhead doing a whole ass gymnastics routine on the pole. like i genuinely cannot believe i got a ticket for calmly drinking a white claw surge with my misunder homie but a drug addict can do twirls and fly himself at half mast on the pole with a crackpipe in his mouth and thats apparently ok

the last thing i saw firsthand was the funniest by far. we’re on the bus riding to the giganice beach and one of the stops before is the airport. we stop and this british couple hops on with their bags etc. they looked so pumped to be in bermuda they were prbly thinking abt this amazing vacation they were abt to have and all the rawing they were gonna do as they put their suitcases in the alley next to them and got ready to go. JOKES ON THEM. the bus driver slams on the brakes and goes “no no no, suitcases go below your seat”. mind you the bus is entirely empty. its lltrly just me and my mom and this couple. there is so much room in the alleyway for this chud to put his suitcase and hold onto it. But thats against the rules. and the bus driver follows the damn rules.

i saw the chud try to object and to hold frame in front of his foid but to no avail. the driver would not budge. she was not moving that bus for any reason until that suitcase was on the ground beneath his feet. im watching this with a huge smile on my face, loving every second of it. the chud tries to move the suitcase to the seat in front of him. hoping this satiates the godwoman driving the bus. it does not. YES YES YES YES. she is not moving the bus until that suitcase is under his seat. the chud meekly puts it under his seat and we go on. wow…what an experience…truly.

sidenote: his foid should legit be allowed to cheat on him after that. there’s a way to deal w a situation like that and remain a chad and it is to smile and shrug your shoulders and say “no problem thank u” before deepthroating your popsicle. there is a way to deal w that and be emasculated and that is to try and object before folding and shyly putting ur suitcase beneath ur seat that is too cramped.

these are the three encounters i had with the giga rules in bermuda and it reinforced my belief that people are not capable of being left to their own choices when it comes to maintaining social order. i’ve said this before but there is a social contract and i believe that if you are to live in our society you have to sign that shit or you should be deprived of the benefits of breathing the same air that i do. our society would be infinitely better if basic rules that benefitted everyone were actually enforced and adhered to.

this is why i dont understand why people use the laws in countries like saudi arabia and singapore as a mark against them. saudi arabia sucks overall, but cutting off the hands of thieves is like one of the only things they get right. guess what morons? they dont have to deal with people stealing shit. you go to europe or nyc you gotta keep ur head on a swivvie for someone fondling ur dick and balls and taking ur shi. Saudi doesnt have that. bc they will take a mf hand. that is what we need.

people say its sooooooo ridiculous that singapore will fine you a band if you dont throw gum away correctly. well guess what? their streets and sidewalks arent covered in black spheres. its probably a lot nicer to be outside when thats the case. they dont have to worry about stepping in gum. in miami you have to keep your eyes peeled everywhere you go bc every braindead retard has a dog and they dont care about anyone other than themselves so they dont pick up their shit. if i had it my way, dog owners that didnt pick their refuse up would have the choice of having their leg cut off or having their dog executed. let’s see how much u love that little fuck now…

i could actually write an entire article just about how inconsiderate and low iq dog owners are but that is for a day when i have more plot armor built up. today is about Bermuda. and how much i love it. one of the only places i’ve been that actually cares about the greater good of the society before the fake “needs” of the few. we could have a society like that. maybe one day we will. literally give me a year and i can fix everything. but nooooooo you guys will vote another baby eater in office instead. nice

-R

Netanyahu is Dead

starting off hot here but i really think this mf is dead as dicks. like deadass i think he got turned into a protein bar. he was allegedly supposed to meet his bro along with ben gvir and some other heads in israel and the location got struck. his bro is confirmed dead. ben gvir is said to have been gravely injured in a “car crash” and bibi hasnt been public in like 4 days. he came out w a presser yesterday but it looks like ai to me. i think they’re deadass waiting for the markets to close before announcing anything so i expect something asap. i may have totally fallen for an Internet psyopp but im like pretty sure bro is dead or in intensive care.

Get ready for a draft!

The way the war has been going isn’t as absolute of a success as the US has wanted and its become abundantly clear that indiscriminately bombing irans cities isnt gonna hype people up to overthrow the govt. so the next step will be ground troops

in this vid sec of the treasury scott bessent is called out mid interview to go speak with the president and comes back like he’s literally seen a ghost. the most alarming part isnt him quivering like a little bitch, its the fact that he immediately starts talking about how his kid wants to join the military and that he’d trust the admin with his life. sounds to me the propaganda on a ground invasion has begun

The US killed 170 elementary school girls on purpose

I saw a lot of shit from a lot of retards the day the strikes happened abt how it was an errant iranian defense missile that struck that school. this is what im saying abt u guys actually having no media literacy. u mfs will just believe anything. but news has come out thats made it pretty evident it was a US tomahawk missile that struck the school. and then they hit it again like 30 min after which all that did was kill rescuers and ostensibly parents of the kids who were killed. “ya but the regime treats women poorly so that means that the better thing to do is just kill irans little girls before they can grow up to be women and mistreated by the regime!” ←thats basically the position held by diaspora iranians and whoever else is stupid enough to think that the us is there to “free the iranian people”

important to note here that the US (raytheon) is the manufactureer of tomahawk missiles and we only sell them to the UK Australia japan and the netherlands. so unless we think one of those countries just vibe bombed a school for no reason then its pretty clear the us did it. im also 99% sure that this happened bc the US military used AI to determine strike targets with no human oversight

this is a decent article abt the whole situation (not the AI part thats my theory)

More War Crimes

Heres some videos of the aftermath of Israeli strikes on 3 oil depots in tehran. just a quick reminder for you guys. tehran has a population of like 9 million people. more than nyc. and they just unleashed hell upon the city. also it’s illegal under international law to bomb oil depots. but like obv that doesnt matter.

i actually had someone ask me today “aren’t iranians happy that the US/Israel got involved in the country?” no? would you be happy if new york turned into a bio hazard? my cousin was telling me that they got lucky with the weather and its cleared up but legit the day after the strike it rained and the rain was black with oil residue.

then the next day my family in isfahan calls up and tells me “yo the crib got hit”. they werent there thankfully but like i genuinely cant believe how low the level of critical thinking is these days. like all u have to do most of the time is imagine if this was happening to you. just think “ok what if someone bombed new york because they hate trump” would that make you happy? you may not like trump but do u wanna be bombed indiscriminately over it? probably not

This is also the rhetoric from the secretary of defense

Iran’s winning the Aura War

heres the Ali Larijani (one of the higher ranking iranians left) ratioing pete hegseth

iranian foreign minister and president walking down the streets in tehran aurafarming. a bunch of other high-ranking officials were on the streets too. its unfortunate but they seem really good at this. which is good on one hand bc the end goal of US/israel for iran is ltrly my worst nightmare. but bad on the other becuase this regime doesnt look like its going anywhere.

False Flag potench?

this video of trump is so funny if u think abt it for like one second. he says that biden has let in a bunch of iranian sleeper cells but its ok bc they know where most of them are but also the fbi issued a warning to california about a potenital attack from iran in california. which is all just so moronic bc if u know where they are why not arrest them? also iran has no weaponry capable of reaching the US so what theyd have to do is rebuild their navy that we destroyed and then sail off the coast of cali and strike california. all without the US noticing. which seems improbable. to me at least

Oil prices cooked

Iran closed the strait of hormuz so oil price is gonna go up up up up up up up for the foreseeable future.

this pic is actually from the opposite gulf but its lowk to crazy to not include

this videos so good lmao. this is the guy who’s in charge the largest military in the world.

Where to from here?

To me we’re reaching a fork in the road. Either a ceasefire is called (doesnt seem likely) or the war escalates to boots being on the ground. The US just sent addtl troops and infrastructure into the region so the latter seems more likely. This will not end well for anyone involved. A lot of people will die for no reason. Soldiers and civilians alike. Economies will be tested. And probably nothing will change. I dont think the US will have a ton of success in this war and if they do go all out it will be pretty similar to Vietnam when speaking broadly.

The end goal of US/Israel here in my opinion is to weaken iran by causing a fuckton of chaos and subsequently leading to the country becoming divided by ethnic groups. while a little over half of the country is persian, there are other groups that make up the rest. Kurds, azeris, lors, etc. If you ask me the ned goal is to make iran like iraq, afghanistan, syria, etc where its just chaos and fighting between different groups, hasnt worked yet. mainly because bombing people actually unites them. and because the kurds seemed to have learned from the million other times the US has tricked them to do their dirty work and have chosen to not get involved yet.

we shall see what transpires though. nothing to do but keep monitoring the situation

-R

now a couple weeks ago some giganerds on twitter released some bombshells about how Jane Street (trading firm/market maker that recruits autist savants and unleashes them on the markets akin to how your racked homies will accost the one girl at afters who clearly is just there for bag not bc she wants to suck and fuck) but allegedly JS was using its privileged position as a market maker to manipulate the BTC market to make quick money. now what does this mean? im gonna explain it all dont worry my preshii (plural form of precious)

If you know anything about Jane Street you probably are thinking the same thing I did which was “ya that totally sounds like something Jane Street would do”. this is because JS has a pretty robust history of manipulating the fuck out of certain markets so they can make so much money that it probably literally offends God.

before i get into everything i just wanna highlight how fucking absurd the money they make is. JS reported trading revenues of like $24 billion in the first 3 quarters of 2025. that puts them on the same level with banks like JP Morgan, citi, Bank of America in terms of pure trading rev. here’s the kicker, JS has like 3000 employees. those huge banks, conservatively, probably have like 30,000+ mfs in trading or trading support roles. just super ridiculous numbers they do.

Jane street has had some history of fucking people over to make a quick buck so i’ll give you non ball knowers some background before i dive into the current rigamarole.

when i first saw this BTC hubbabaloo my mind instantly went to when india banned Jane street from trading in their markets for doing the same thing to a market in india that they did to BTC. i remember reading the article about how Jane Street was just running amok in indian stocks and just printing cash (over $4billion in pure profit). when i read the article i was laughing. mainly because it was happening in and not to me. so i didnt really care and thought it was kinda cool. my perception has now changed.

then i thought of the terraform scandal. which was basically this huge stable coin in the crypto world that Jane street actually would help provide liquidity to. to dumb this down irresponsibly, JS and the terra nerds had worked together before so JS had some insider info about how their operation worked. combine that with the fact that JS hired some chud named Bryce from terra and he literally made a gc called “bryces secret” where he had Terra employees and JS mfs in there talking about non public info and all of a sudden JS has a huge info edge to the general public. they used this to basically rug pull the entire coin and all of a sudden $40 billion was wiped from the face of the earth. now terra’s entire platform was a house of cards so it was gonna collapse anyway but jane street made sure it did and made sure they made giga bread while they were at it

i thought this was less cool than the india thing bc like they literally just ethered peoples entire savings in like 3 days which helped introduce the crypto winter which ethered much much more bread.

the last thing i thought of was the fact that Jane Streets founder literally got caught funneling millions of dollars to a plot to arm militants to overthrow the government of south sudan. im not even joking lmao this is some actual reet shit. he got himeslf into a plot where he was providing the bread for mfs to buy “AK-47s, stinger missiles, and grenades to topple South Sudans government.” he didnt get in trouble for this either (no idea how) but like this is crazy. imagine if someone like Kevin O’Leary all of a sudden was in the news because he had bought a bunch of bazookas for a romanian militant group or some shit.

Side note: one time i was on a yacht for my drakejacent friend’s bday and kevin o’leary pulled up net to us in the middle of the ocean on his gigayacht and just totally framemogged us and stole half our huzz. it was super wild i had no idea what to do.

suffice it to say jane street has a history of doing some fuck shit and so thats why this whole bitcoin debacle is not very surprising to me. so lets get into what they were doing. obviously theres some more background that you need for this as well.

jane street is a market maker and one of the biggest ones at that. lemme explain in reet terms how a market maker works and makes money. so basically a market maker is a middleman for a stock/security. its analogous to you going to walmart and buying an orange. you’re not buying the orange directly from the orange farmer, you’re buying it from walmart. Jane street is ostensibly walmart here.

the way they make money is by taking whats called a spread. so lets say someone wants to buy a stock thats worth $100. they put in a buy order at that price. Jane street meanwhile is finding a holder for that stock whos looking to sell. lets say that seller puts in a sell order for $99.98 cents. Jane street buys the stock from the person who wants to sell at 99.98 and sells it to the person who wants to buy at $100 and makes 2 cents. most of the time this is happening in a manner of a split second. the trick is to do this a fuckton of times. Jane street doesnt just fill orders for ur average joe. they do it for huge hedge funds and institutional clients as well. on any given day they can do over $200billion in total order volume. thats part of how they print

the key here for bitcoin is that JS is one of the 4 firms that is authorized to market make for Blackrock’s IBIT fund. which is basically an etf where people can invest in Bitcoin without having to be on chain. makes it easier for noobs as well as huge institutions to invest in something that is tied to the BTC price. because of this position that they have they’re almost required to hold massive amounts of BTC so they can always fill orders etc. according to their Q4 filing they hold more than $790mm of IBIT. almost a billy ts

lets finally get into how they completely nuked the price of bitcoin over the past few months. it started this past november. important thing to know here is that even though BTC is on chain so its available to be traded 24/7, IBIT doesnt work the same way. so you can only fill orders when the stock market is open.

every morning at 10AM, 30 mins after the markets would open, Bitcoins price was shedding a few percent like clockwork. what jane street was doing was selling off right at the open (thinner liquidity since day had just started and they could just sell some of the massive supply they had to hold bc they’re a market maker for it) and creating panic in the overall bitcoin market which would send the price down even further. they way they would make profit is that they would have short positions in the derivatives market that would pay out when the price went down.

when the price was down a few percent and their shorts were covered, they would just buy back again at the lower price of bitcoin. lemme explain a short as well. think of it as a bet. JS was betting everyday that Bitcoins price would go down x percent. then they were making sure that happened by selling off massive amounts of bitcoin to ensure that panic set in and other people sold off/were liquidated and BTC’s price dropped. so their shorts would cash.

the part that’s super important to understand is that they didnt have to dump enough bitcoin themselves to push the price down 3%, they just had to start the sell off. other people would panic and sell. other people have stop losses and liquidation prices which would trigger more sell offs. so they didnt even have to even be the full actor here. then thats where the shorts would come in

the thing with a short is that you can use leverage on it. leverage is basically “borrowing” additional money from elsewhere to put on the short. so you can risk $100 to say that BTC is gonna go down 3% but if you use leverage your return can be even greater than that. if you use 3x leverage that means your return if bitcoin goes down 3% will actually be 9%. the kicker is if ur wrong, your $100 loss just became a $300 loss. BUT if you’re the one making sure the price goes down its basically free money.

thats why they're profitable here. bc there’s inherently supposed to be more risk. but theres not bc they lowkirk control the price in that moment. think of it like this: bag has consistently been rising in price in your city for a while. i come to you and bet you that its gonna go down. you take that bet. unbeknownst to u i control 1/4 of the bag supply in your city so i unleash a new supply of bag onto the streets which brings the price down and i win my bet. i lose a small amount of money per gram that i sell to bring the price down. but since i have that bet with you i make it all back and more. thats essentially what Jane street is alleged to have been doing.

they did this every day. for like almost 4 months. the price of bitcoin went from 125k to 63k. they helped cut that shit in half. genuinely insane. the 10 am sell off stopped around feb 25 when those people dropped the bombshells on twitter and everyone got a hold of it. btc went up to 70k shortly after

you gotta remember that jane street only employs 3000 people. conservatively, there are a little over 100 million individual holders of bitcoin. now people who are into bitcoin and crash tf out when the price goes down (i have a super fire life so i didnt really care abt my holding) are largely super annoying and i generally wouldnt really care about them. but this is pretty wild. what im tryna get at is that 3000 super autists who are deadass just normal citizens in theory shouldnt be able to just demolish the price of an asset that is tied to the financial well being of a fuck ton of people. that doesnt seem right.

and it isnt even legal if we’e being real. its just hard to prove for a few reasons and financial regulators are hella behind when it comes to creating new rules to keep up with the convoluted financial products and strategies that come up as the market expands. it took the regulators in india like 4years to catch onto what was happening in their markets (jane street basically did the same thing there albeit with a different asset). and they only really caught on because jane street self snitched and told on themselves while fighting another court case.

the main reason its hard to prove in current form is because while jane street is required to disclose how much of each asset they’re holding on their balance sheet (how we know they hold $790mm of IBIT) they arent required to disclose how much they hold in the derivative market. so at any given point they could actually be negative on their BTC volume because their position in the derivatives market could be more than $790mm short. now it isnt likely that they do this long term obv but it hammers home the point that just looking at their holdings doesnt tell you the whole story.

theres obviously some way to close this loophole and prevent jane street and other market makers from exploiting the system here but i wouldnt hold my breath. regulators are fucking useless and dont do shit so until i rise to power this is a long shot. like bernie madoff was straight up the chairman of nasdaq while running a generational ponzi scheme and regulators were just looking at him slackjawed

last thing here. what does this mean for bitcoin? idrk and idrc tbh but ill give some quick thoughts. some of the trust in btc as a stable asset has probably eroded from the general public because i personally wouldnt want 3000 soulless ghouls to be able to cut my net worth in half just because they feel like it.

the other thing is the fact that a lot of bitcoins value proposition is tied around the fact that its supply is finite. there will never be more than 21 million bitcoin in circulation. thats how it was set up. which theoretically means that over a long enough time horizon the value of BTC should always go up because you cant make any more than that. its finite.

the problem that this whole situation exposes is that if bad faith actors (like jane street) can take massive short positions with leverage, it renders the 21million coin limit moot. at least for a specific period of time. this happens because the price pressure of a massive short position can effectively be beyond the value of 21 million bitcoins.

lemme explain this with another analogy. lets say we’re in a world with only 50 bottles of original quaaludes left. the value of those should keep going up as time goes on right? theoretically yes, but what if i own 15 of those bottles and i come in and i make 20,000 individual bets around town that the price of quaaludes is gonna drop. then i start selling some. that price pressure of 20,000 bets that the price is gonna go down affects the price of the bottles negatively. it pushes it down.

thats the issue. even though there are only 21million bitcoins that will ever exist, theres theoretically an infinite amount of negative price pressure that can be created in the derivatives market.

I have to agree with the indians when it comes to jane street. when they banned those autists from their stock market they said “Jane Street Group is not a good faith actor that can be, or deserves to be, trusted.” Spot on and astute observation! they fr should all be banned from ever participating in the markets again but they wont be. and thats ok. life isnt fair; u just have to thug it out sometimes.

-R

but ya there was a bunch of bullshit abt how if zohran got elected then new york was doomed and would implode upon itself and enact sharia law and that all the big companies and billionaires would leave and never come back and nyc would basically just be mogadishu 2.0. none of that has happened obviously. which like anyone with a brain could’ve told u that but no one has any sense of critical thinking anymore so they couldnt discern this.

if companies made their decisions on where to do business/billionaires chose where to live solely based upon taxes or and all that other shit then fucking north dakota would be the financial capital of the country. or they’d just go to bermdua. but no they still live in new york because there’s something beyond that holding them there. thats why i thought all those ppl were just being so dickheadish for no reason. like u chose to support and vote for a sex offender over mamdani bc of a doomsday scenario that you could’ve IDed as bullshit if u put any rational thought into it.

i dont even agree with all of zohrans shit and his mom being in the Big Stein files is #notgood (lowkirk i think he’s an asset) but like cuomo was a sex offender and criminal and sliwa is a cartoon character.

long intro aside new york is actually dying but not for the reasons that everyone has been harping upon the past year or so. the reason its dying is nuanced and ill prob do a longer article abt it but basically its just not as cool anymore. 85% of people who move there are moving there just to say they live in the city and larp as a new yorker while working a fake job and going out to downtown social. they arent actually experiencing what makes new york a goated city. they’re just doing the same shit they did at whatever mid city they came from but doing it in new york instead. its literally all a larp.

The poster child for what im talking about is the west village girlie. Brock Colyar did a thinkpiece on this last may (i didnt read this obviously bc it was paywalled but i saw it and assumed what was in it). I’ll link it below bc i imagine it probably expands on some of the things that i’ve noticed as well.

The problem is that all these ppl just wanna live in new york for no reason other than the fact they wanna say they live there. and it becomes the most important part of their personality but they dont actually spend any time or effort developing beyond that. they dont leave manhatten. they just go to blank street and whatever restaurants the influencer ppl hype up. the life they live they could literally do in charlotte. they just that since every other huzz is doing it that means they have to as well. its a huge groupthink psyopp.

now living in new york is super expensive obv and a lot of these people have no skills to get a high paying job that will actually allow them to live in the willage (and they refuse to live in a cheaper area like brooklyn bc theyre above that obv) so their parents just pay for their rent. which drives up rent prices and has led to willage becoming what it is today which is just a gentrified area w no real culture other than having fire huzz all around (this is a super tough part of the article for me to write bc i fuckin love tridelts as u all know, but this issue is bigger than all of us).

I, being the benevolent problem solver that i am, have a solution to fix all this tho. if i was elected mayor of new york city, this would deadass be the first thing that i would do. i wont give a fuck abt the budget, taxes, roads, tolls, water quality, gangs, immigration, aids, etc until we get this one thing taken care of.

Quite literally all you need to do to get nyc back on track is to just make it illegal for anyone to move into the city unless they have a job that pays them enough to cover their rent THEMSELVES. its that simple. your dad in scottsdale cannot help you pay for your apartment. you have to pay for that shit yourself.

this takes care of pretty much all the larpers with no desire to engage in the culture of nyc from moving there. it also brings down the cost of living naturally instead of having to do some soviet union style rent freeze. the cost of everything comes down honestly. if theres a dearth of willagejacent huzz or bushwick drugmaxxers who have no job but whose parents work for lockheed martin who will happily pay $16 for a mocha goyboy soymaxxed latte, then mfs will have to start charging less to the real mfs who hold that shit down n actually put on for the city.

this will bring balance back to the city. if u can find a job that pays u well enough to live in the city then u get a pass. u may not be the most cultured mf if ur working for morgan stanley but hey at least u are producing money for the economy and your output is to the extent that i, as mayor, can excuse your lack of swag bc u make hella bread. its all about balance.

now there’ll be some exceptions to this rule obviously because its uncouth to put out rigid rules like this and not have any flexibility on it. that flexibility will be decided by me and my team of ball knowers (my cabinet) but basically it’ll work as follows

if you grew up in the city you’re exempt from this. if youre a new york socialite who works a fake job and your parents wanna pay for you to move from UES to nolita so you can live there thats fine. you’re grandfathered in basically

if you didnt grow up in the city and dont have the willingness or ability to find a real job to pay for yourself there’s still hope! lets say, for example, you’re the daughter of a russian oligarch who wears a ton of chrome hearts and CCP and you wanna be hot and live in new york and maybe work a fake job in fashion or something. this is how you’d do it. your family would pay a yearly fee of 5x your annualized rent to the city and you can be hot in the city! Yayyyyyy everyone wins

lets say you’re the daughter of a family who sold an hvac company to a PE company in indiana and you wanna move to NYC and cant get a job for whatever reason. You dont wear chrome though; you wear zara and princess polly exclusively. you can still do it, you just have to pay 50x your annualized rent to the city. honestly i dont even know if this is worth it from my office’s perspective but we’ll try it out first year and see if it works out. may have to just scrap this one tho.

last one, lets say you’re a dude with patchwork tattoos who’s from south carolina and no ones ever fucking understood u from ur stupid hometown so u wanna move to brooklyn so u can wear vintage carhartt and be performative there with people who get u. if, due to the fact that you are a useless human, you cant find a real job to support u and you need your dad to use his bread from being a boeing executive to pay for your apartment, youre cooked. full stop. brooklyns cheap. figure it the fuck out.

also now that im thinking about it service jobs should probably only be for native new yorkers as well. if you’re moving into the city to work at cravath thats fine. but really theres no reason you should be moving to new york and working at a bar just so u can make enough money to larp. but i think for now if u wanna move and thug it out i’ll probably allow it. but i need to flesh this idea out more. theoretically if u wanna go to nyc and work service to chase your dreams i think im ok with it. as long as i deem your dream is worthy to be chased. and yes i am the one that will determine that not u.

This is step one to turning NYC around. Will genuinely fix so many of the issues right off the bat and solidify new york as the aura mecca again. society doesnt want mfs who are afraid of leaving manhattan; they want more mfs like pink cardigan and newyorkturk.

-R

quick context drop for everyone who kinda tapped out on iran since the protests that happened in early jan. basically whats been happening there is that the US has been building up their military presence in the mid east and engaging in negotiations with the iranian regime over how not to end up in this exact position. the stated goal of the US had been that they dont want to engage in military action with iran but they need iran to give up on making a bomb as well as placing limitations on their weaponry as a whole. and if they got this then all would be square and no war. which like makes sen in theory but in actuality that doesnt rally seem to be the case

the problem is the americans and israel have been saying for damn near 40 years that iran is “weeks away” from a nuclear weapon. so where is it? wheres the evidence? they’ve been crying wolf about this for so long that i just find it hard to believe that they’re telling the truth now and that the evidence that they have no is all of a sudden ironclad. WSJ did a article about this yesterday where their experts kinda pushed back on that too

its jsut very similar to what the US did to manufacture consent for the iraq war. colin powell went to the UN and lied to the world about there being weapons of mass destruction that saddam planned to use. of course these never actually existed. it was just an excuse to enter into that war for cheney and his Halliburton buddies as well as netanyahu (he campaigned aggressively for the Iraq war which is something that isnt widely known but should be). powell would later say that his UN speech is something he deeply regretted but our soldiers still died and the region was still decimated nonetheless.

but apparently this time we’re super certain that iran is DAYS from nukes and not only that but theyre gonna IMMEDIATELY use it on the US once they get it. which like makes no sense to me and it shouldnt really make sense to you either. do we really think that the second that Iran gets a nuke they’re gonna just commit nation suicide by using it on the states? like how retarded do they think we are. the ppl in power in iran are horrible no doubt but they have proved throughout the last 40 or so years that they’re at least not stupid. anyone with a brain knows that if you attack the us with a nuked they will eliminate you and pretty much the whole world in return. we have a term for this: mutually assured destruction. the entire conclusion of the cold war was the fact that this premise existed. why would Iran do that with a nuke? like you kinda have to be so brainwashed and utterly outside of reality to think that.

so ya suffice it to say i dont believe the us when they say that this is all about nukes or weapons or whatever the fuck. i dont believe them when they say that iran is about to have nukes done for real this time. trump literally said that the strikes on iran last summer “completely decimated” irans nuclear facilities. but theyre back already? idk how anyone believes anything these cretins are saying to us. keep in mind they’re also the same pieces of shit that swore there was no evidence that epstein ever trafficked anyone. do we believe that too?

The final piece of evidence that the negotiations and weapon deterrence shit was all lies is that the Oman Foreign Minister (Oman was mediating the negotiations between the US and Iran) literally came out hours before the attack and said that Iran had made “unprecedented concessions) regarding their nuclear program and that a deal was close to being done. this is straight from the mediator of the negotiations and also if you know ball you know rare it is for Omani officials to make public messages. they really only talk if its something that they can for sure stand behind. but yet hours after this statement the war starts. it just makes it seem like the US didnt want a deal in the first place

First Strikes

As Israel and the US are wanton to do they kicked things off by bombing an elemntary school and church. nope not kidding. last i saw like 60 people have been confirmed dead from the school (iran’s weeks are structured differently, thurs+fri is the weekend so saturday is a schoool/workday). They also have struck targets all around the country as well

the school in particular is obviously incredibly heartbreaking to see. they’re already tryna do damage control too its so gross. i saw an AI image of a military vehicle in a courtyard of a school. i saw people claiming that it was actually an iranian missile that hit it. if you believe either of those you’re a moron as well. like we have to start demanding some burden of proof from our govt bc right now theyre genuinely just doing whatever the fuck they want and then lying straight to your face when you ask why. like pls dont believe random shit without proof bc when there is proof it will be provided. theres no reason for it not be. the only time its not is bc it doesnt exist. like just think critically for a second before believing blatant propaganda.

this also makes me think of all the diaspora retards who have been championing for the us to intervene in iran. is this what you wanted? is this ok with you? you guys have been gripping and hugging trump for the better part of the year just for him to do this. guess what? hes not here to save iran. hes in it for self interest. you’re not gonna get the result you want from trump intervening all you’re gonna get is innumerable iranian casualties.

and for those of you in the media or wherever else who are claiming that the US is doing this to save Iranians from the regime. you guys suck shit too. like none of you actually give a fuck about what happens to anyone in the country. i have seen this talking point a million times but never has anyone presented with me of an actual plan that follows once the regime is toppled. it hasn’t worked anywhere else why would it work here?

Iran’s Response

Iran has responded by launching at US military sites in the region. Bahrain and UAE are where i’ve seen the majority of the strikes but they’ve hit other countries as well. i feel for the people who live in these countries. they didnt do shit but since their country is led by the same ghouls just in a different font they have to be a shield for the US/Israel in this conflict. again this is a war that is gonna fuck shit up for so many people

Thats a video of a building in Bahrain being struck

This is a video of an iranian Shahed drone ($10,000 manufacturing cost) destroying a US radar setup in Bahrain ($1.1 billion manufacturing cost). so ya we’re getting cucked financially in this bitch too. its one thing to drag us into wars all willy nilly but the US also wants to just waste our fucking tax bread too. the humiliation ritual never stops

Dubai (UAE) getting hit

This the Palm in dubai im pretty sure

Extra shit

Just wanted to throw some shit in at the end here. Saw this article in CNN and it got me down a little teensy bit of a rabbit hole.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the old testament, esentially the story of amalek is that the descendents of amalek had attacked the israelites and God commanded King Saul to “blot out the memory of the amaleks”. basically telling saul to genocide the amaleks because of what they did.

2 additional wrinkles. the amalek people hailed from the lands where iran is now and also purim (the holiday that celebrates king saul and his people “blotting out the memory of the amaleks” is in like 2 weeks. a lot of coincidences here

but basically what our author tal shalev is doing here is drawing a parallel betwseen the current conflict and that story. so essentially saying that the people of iran should be eradicated completely. this is in cnn by the way.

this isnt the first time the memory of the amaleks has been referenced on a global stage in recent times. bibi netanyahu referenced this same story in 2023 when referecning the people of gaza. and then he went on to drop 100,000 tons of explosives (equivalent to 7 hiroshima bombs) on gaza.

Where to now?

i dont really know where we go from here tbh. my intial gut feeling is that an attack solely from the air isnt gonna be enought to topple the regime. ok apparently khamenei is dead holy shit. just saw the news online. wowowowowow. i have no idea what happens here. this lowkirk proves that the us and israel have assasination capabilities that are beyond what mfs like me really believed to be possible.

who the fuck knows this is gonna be a complete and utter shitshow. we gotta see if the regime is able to consolidate their power here or if iran is gonna just delve into chaos and be carved up by foreign powers. neither is good. this is actually insane

khamenei was unique as a leader in which he is lowk replaceable. and the regime has been pretty clear they have robust succession planning. but like now u kinda gotta be thinking…if they were able to get him they could lowkey get anyone. so again idk. i still dont think the regime is gonna be able to be fully toppled just by airstrikes and there will need to be a ground invasion to create actual change but i could be wrong. this is pretty unprecedented.

i do really want to believe the US public doesnt have the stamina to support a ground war. i dont think they have manufactured enough consent for them to be able to send our troops over there to die. so i hope we can fade that at the very least.

all we can do now is just monitor the situation though

-R

Starting off Light!

Gonna try to soft launch the horrific shit in this bitch with some of the emails between big jeff and his boys that are just pretty funny. this is a text chain so itll be normal from top to bottom fyi.

Eppers and Stevie B making fun of their boy for fatfuckmaxxing

This some shit i have definitely said to my friends before and some shit my friends (namely ) has most certainly said about me. in the ss we see big jeff texting steve bannon (worked with trump hella during his first campaing and term as pres and one of epsteins homies) and making fun of larry summers (former US sec of treasury). i guess larry and the epmeister were enjoying a nice meal and larry was just fucking inhaling sashimi akin to a seal. and jeff and stevie b are just flaming bros ass here. the best part is in the full text exchange they’re having a serious convo about something that seems super important and they’re still finding the time to call their boy a fat fuck lmao.

Larry gets his lick back

This is huge for larry summers and his overall aura. Here in this ss he’s emailing big jeff and telling him that he was chilling with mukesh ambani (richest brown boy out there) and that ambani’s house totally fucking framemoggs epsteins crib. epstein being the gigachad he is isnt fazed at all and just brushes off the insult and proceeds with his line of questioning. larry definitely didnt dub here but its good to know that he wasnt a total pushover in the friend group dynamics.

Rory McIlroy makes a surprise appearance

Big eps pilot tunes in emailing him telling him that rory mc got a lick hit on him when he copped his new pj. a funny recurring theme you see in the files that epstein and his boys seem to get a lot of amusement out of pocketwatching the goys and seeing normal mfs get bad deals on shit and not make inordinate amounts of money doing insider trading and instead working normal jobs and adhering to normal tax laws

this is a perfect example of what i was talking about above. This is larry summers again (LHS). him and eppers are talking abt tax laws and epstein said that a lot of the loopholes have been closed; for the goyim only tho. i guess insinuating that for non goyim like him and others theres still some high lev u can get on to fade paying taxes. im so fucking sick and tired of being just a goy dude. i want to evade taxes! i want to insider trade and not get caught! but instead i have to live my stupid little goy life and not be able to do anything abt it. so fucked up

He was born to fuck!

This is so fucking funny. First off he needs to make it abundantly clear that he is all Jew. No goy in his blood at all. Secondly, he has 2(!), not just one, recessive genes that cause hyper fucking. maybe i dont know ball but what the fuck is hyper fucking? what is the tangible difference from hyperfucking and normal fucking? do you need the recessive genes in order to engage hyperfuck protocols? these are all questions that idk if i’ll ever get the answers to. this is quite possibly the funniest way to answer the somewhat innocuous question of “hey man have u ever gotten a dna test?” “ya dude i fuck like crazy and im a superjew”. just so good

Function Logistics

Theres a lot to digest here but basically him and peggy siegal are talking abt a yom kippur function and peggy is wondering if its gonna be 100% J or if theres gonna be some of those pesky goys in attendance. to which epstein responds “no, goyim in abundance” lmao this is so good. ltrly how me and my boys roll to the club. just on some goyim in abundance. so tough honestly. big ep exapnds upon this by IDing the goyim who are arriving in abundance as JPM wasps. prbly brought by jes staley.

The ugly side of big jeff

Yes epstein had aura, yes he was a gigachad, yes he had hella bread, yes he was seemingly capable of jestermaxxing and being a funny little guy, but NO he was not a #goodguy. he was a bad guy. and now we’re gonna talk about some of the bad stuff he did :(

I dont even know how to title this

Starting off super morbid here sorry. Jeffery is emailing someone who is redacted (its funny they say they only redacted names and info where it would be revealing of a victims identity bc here its pretty clear that whoever epstein is talking to is as big a piece of shit as he is). but ya jeff is emailing this unknown person about someone who is almost certainly a victim of sex crimes and saying that the victim is talking about their relationship with christ. how nice. the redacted fuckwad responds by suggesting that jeff should dress up as jesus when he sees her. how wholesome! jeff ruins what couldve been a super amazing moment by making a joke pertaining to an orgasm.

idk man this is pretty horrible. dont really have much to say. the callous way they just joke about this is pretty disheartening to see. also theres a potential additional wrinkle here in the way that epstein says “whoops”. apparently, and this is a big apparently, people are thinking that “whoops” means that they’ve killed that person. below is some addtl evidence of this.

Whoops!

This one is pretty damning imo. Someone gives big ep permission to kill someone and jeff responds with only “whoops” on some aura. they then respond with a “whoops is correct”. idk this is super sus and makes it seem like “whoops” does have some additional meaning.

Shits just weird. theres been some think pieces done on “whoops” online by people who have spent more time in the files than i have so if this is something that triggers ur autism and u wanna learn more just do some research i cant do everything here.

6 55 gallon drums of sulfuric acid

This is a wire transfer that was sent to purchase 6 (six) 55 gallon drums of sulfuric acid. This was also sent on the same exact day that the FBI opened a sex trafficking case against epstein. the insinuation here obviously is that big ep was using the acid to get rid of evidence. people obv are gonna assume he was just dissolving mfs in there but in theory he could be dissolving anything

theres been some discourse online abt this obviously as it is something that is pretty shocking. like a mf burning bodies in acid on his sex island is deadass some supervillain shit. ppl online have been defending him (idk where u gotta be in life to see some shit against jeff epstein and become a “well actually” ass mf but i digress) but ya ppl have been saying that sulfuric acid is used to regulate ph in a pool. which is true. but the amount of acid needed to regulate the ph in an olympic size pool is anywhere from 100-200 pounds. that order is for 5000 pounds. and jeff didnt have an olympic sized swimming pool. his pool was sick as fuck, but it wasn’t that big. so ya he was probably doing some supervillain shit w that acid.

More torture vids!

Pretty self explanatory here. Jeff fuckin loved that new torture vid. The way he segments his convos is so insane too. “where r u? r u good twin? btw that torture vid was sooooooo good”. like he talks abt this shit the same way i talk abt mid century modern furniture w my homies

Little girl mentioned :(

nothing good to see here. not funny or fun at all. alesia cunt is groveling to jeff and seems to be upset that he didnt source a girl for jeff the previous time they interacted but promises this time she’ll come thru and adds that europe is better for finding a “little girl”. just super grim.

Victim’s diary entry

These images are two excepts from a victims diary. The link has the full diary (32 pagesa) and theres some pretty wild shit in there but this is just what kinda stuck out as the most absurd in a sea of giga bad news bears shit.

First image is the victim lamenting over the fact that she has witnessed sexual abuse of children and then mentions Mar a Lago which is not surprising but still pretty damning.

The second image is the victim describing herself giving birth (no idea who the daddy is but prob epstein? idfk) and then describing the child being taken away. she goes on to say she wish she hadnt looked at the baby probably because she felt some attachment to it upon seeing it. Obviusly we have no idea what the fucky happened to this baby but the theories are out there. some ppl think that epstein and his satanic ghouls were fucking babies obv. some think they were harvesting adrenochrome and/or eating them. others think that epstein and the gang were doing some race science shit whic is somewhat supported by the screenshot below. idk what happened but im gonna go out on a limb and say the baby that was taken away from its mother by ghislaine maxwell and jeffery epstein probably wasnt used for anything good.

JERKY

Ok so im gonna end us off with the whole jerky conspiracy thats been circulating. this is some shit that if u told an average person who’s not informed at all abt epstein and what that mf was up to theyd legit think that u had gone insane needed to be committed. now im deep in this fuckin rabbithole obviously but like i actually think this could be some gigafuckshit. im just gonna present u guys with the thesis here and then supply some of the evidence that i’ve gathered and then let yall be the judge.

So it all starts from the fact that Epstein and his homies and his team talk about jerky a fuck ton in these files. There’s actually 387 mentions of it in the files that have been released to date. Which like the natural response is “yo maybe that kid fucker just liked his jerky” but like just look at the way they talk abt jerky in these emails like its so fucking weird. so ya basically people are assuming that jerky means human flesh and imma be real im like 76% sure they may be right. here we go…

Francis is the main chef that makes the “jerky” for jeffery. hes in the following emails hella. he also is working at a new restaurant called “Cannibal”. idk man this is just too much like they really think that we’re fucking stupid they are so goddamn brazen with this shit

JE needs more jerky on Friday!

So jeffery wants to eat more “regular food” and “less jerky”. What does this mean? 6 bags of jerky should be enough to get him through though.

Ok this ones a classic. doesnt it just fuckin suck when ur dog eats ur human flesh jerky that is supplied to you by an International sex criminal? everyones experienced this at least once before. also why the fuck are they sending the jerky to a lab? like imagine sending ur jack links to a lab. and that being normal. idk actually. that might be more normal than sending human flesh to the lab.

JE is super particular about the way his jerky tastes and the way that moron steve makes it is super mid and Francis is the fucking jerky goat and his shits way yummier than any other jerky thats out there

Just normal people doing normal shit like fedexing jerky across the country

This is part one of the thread part two is below. make sure to read from bottom to top in both images

I mean take of this what u will but this is just so much discourse and logistics surrounding fucking beef jerky that it just makes it seem like theres something more going on. like no one ever in the history of the world has cared this much about beef jerky. shits mid anyway. also white tuna is allegedly the flesh of white women so ya just keep that in mind too ig.

More jerky logistics. I wonder if there was someone on JE’s team whose sole job was to be responsible for consistent access to human flesh. kinda like a Jerky Attache. Maybe a Jerky Correspondent. i wonder what that looks like on a resume

Steves jerky must’ve fucking sucked. buddy ltrly keeps getting fucked on

Jerky is being analyzed obviously. Nothing to see here

Just fukin sucks when ur 2 pounds of jerky only lasts half the time u wanted it to. lowkey like when u get a bag for the weekend and u dump that shit all on friday night. just a fucking nightmare

Big JE is super pissed at Francis (chef at a restaurant called Cannibal also the guy whose jerky is way fucking better than that dickhead steve) for not making his jerky in a timely manner

JE being hangry about not having jerky. lowkirk me when my friends dont wanna get a sweet treat after a meal. i was w my quant homie last week and we got lunch and i had to psyopp him into getting pudding with me. he got a small and i got a large :(

This is where we’re gonna end off for this one. Mind you i only went thru like 1/4 of the mentions of jerky to find these examples but straight up i just couldnt get thru the rest of it. I have shit to do. Like lowball mfs on grailed for guidi boots and acne jeans as well as bid on gun auctions.

Super pumped for these to come in. shits so fuckin tough and the leather is so fuckin soft on some cordovan (thats what they call the highest quality horse leather for those of you who dont know ball. if you’ve never touched cordovan in your life youve never experienced greatness tbh). im actually not sure if the VS01s are made of cordovan or just regular horse grain leather but the 795vs i have are cordovan

These are the 795vs. They are so fucking soft

Gun auctions are exhilarating btw i just won this one and watching the livestream of me winning the lot from the sand bar at one of the two pools of the resort style apartment building i live at while the sun is beating my body and turning me into a mjestic tanned stallion was so fun. i legit felt like the war dogs mfs.

im done now. i prob have enough material for like 2 more articles abt big ep so be on the lookout i guess.

-R

this isnt going to be some long thinkpiece abt what i think the eppers was really up to or what i think his motivations were or anything like that. i legit think if i put my actual thoughts abt that on the internet i would be permanently blacklisted from the world. the us would invent a social credit system (already exists in some way shape form but i digress) just to give me the lowest score possible and turn me into the indian caste system equivalent of an untouchable.

instead this is going to be a quick hitter just compiling some of the interesting things i saw in the latest batch of the epstein files that was released by the government. its not gonna be quick tho if im being real after sourcing the shit i wanted to talk about im at over 50 files lmao. its kinda crazy theres like 3.3million files in total now. a lot of those are duplicates (if you’ve perused the files u know how it works) but i was thinking abt this and if you put every little thing i ever did on an electronic device in file format i wonder how many pdfs it would end up being.

but straight up this is for the people who dont keep up with anything and dont know whats going on. for those of us who are termninally online we have to undersatnd that the majority of the population does not know what clavicular getting framemogged by asu frat leader means. they have normal lives and do dumb shit like go to chilis for date night and listen to taylor swift or reggaeton or other npc shit like that. so much of the shit in here i feel like if i told a normal person who i know irl they would actually look at me like i had lost my mind. but its true. and theyres finally evidence. i am vindicated.

and honestly its not their fault. the files have been out for like two weeks and the major news outlets just refuse to go over anything that is even remotely damning. like this should fill up the news cycles and be all that is being reported on tbh. im looking at you . u guys r doing a horrible job and i hate u.

what follows is gonna be a list of shit that u should know if u want to be considered sentient and includes images and references if u wanna be a little fuckwad and fact check me even tho ltrly all i do is just bless the uninformed with.

Rich/Powerful People Just Being the Fucking Worst

This section is pretty self explanatory but is just people who are in epsteins social circle just being the worst man. I didn’t include some of the more widely known mfs like Prince Andrew (definitely raped ppl and most likely had some killed), noam chomsky (why the fuck was he with epstein man), clinton (i mean skys blue clinton was one of the horniest humans to exist), stephen hawking (come on man), among others but included some i thought were interesting.

UAE Diplomat Pimping out Younger Sister

Just horrible. Hind Alowais is UAE Human rights diplomat who is in the files over 400 times and has a close relationship w Epstein clearly. And is telling him to meet her sister who is “even prettier than me!!!!!!!” these people are just depraved demons. Like “yes powerful man please fuck my younger sister so i can get shit out of it”. this is who we’re dealing with in society. Hind herself is kinda bad tho. definitely would. in a vacuum tho. not now knowing what i know. not sober at least. idk maybe like 10+ old fashys. maybe less. idk theres a world in which i fold sober. who knows

Saudis/Emiratis being scum as per usual

Jeff with an emirati or saudi dude looking over a piece of the kaaba covering. (kaaba is the stone building that muslims make their pilgrimage to in mecca to pray around). i mean at least hes not fucking kids here but whoever gave this to him just sucks ass. JE should not have this ever lmao he is the worst person to entrust with something meaningful to the religion of islam. or any religion for that matter. he was a bad dude!

Peter Attia

Here’s Peter Attia whos a famous health guru research nerd who just recently got hired as a CBS News Contributor by Bari Weiss emailing Epstein to let him know that pussy is indeed low carb. He’s uncertain abt gluten tho. and ya pussy, i’d imagine (im wholesome so dk for sure), is probably low carb. i’d think indulging in some wap is probably similar to eating celery in the sense that its actually a net caloric deficit activity. so i guess this actually does make sense. there’s a bunch more emails with attia in them; the most damning of which being one where hes glazing the epp and saying something like “yo dude the life u live is actually so fucking sick and u do so much cool stuff it sucks that i cant tell anyone abt this shit :(. lol. u da man”

Elon Musk

Elons in the docs a bunch but the second pic here is so goddamn funny. Basically JE is tryna talk in code and be like yo u should come to party during the UN meetings theres gonna be a lot of “interesting ppl” there. basically saying yo im having a diddy party slide thru and get ur dick wet. elon, prbly bc of his severe autism and moronic nature, declines at first saying he’s too busy being tony stark to which JE responds saying yo retard its a sex party you’re gonna wanna pull thru. It just adds to the theory that all these powerful ppl were just such fucking losers and just wanted to hang with JE bc he was the coolest person they could be around. i mean he was giga rich thru mysterious means and stupidly photogenic. u put that mf next to an elon and it makes sense that musk would dickride.

Woody Allen

Exchange between a redacted mf and epstein where the redcated mf makes a joke that Woody Allen and Epstein linking up is a pedophile convention. To which JE does not refute and instead corrects them saying the correct plural form of pedophile is actually pedophillee (not entirely certain if thats true and i dont wanna look it up tbh)

Bill Gates

TLDR: this ones fucking crazy lmao. a real roller coaster. JE is lambasting bill gates for fading his ass publicly and somewhat inconspicuously making demands for compensation for JE going along with what bill is saying publicly. the kicker comes at the end where he talks abt how bill had asked him for help prior with an std that he probably contracting from rawing someone that JE had provided for him (so lowk is JE’s responsibility in a way). bill sent hog pics to epstein for advice and then asked him how to secretly drug his wife to get rid of her infection before she found out. ltlry some shit george costanza would ask jerry for help for in seinfeld

JE the octopus

This section of shit is gonna be abt how this mf was literally the forrest gump for every bad thing that occurred in the world from like 2000-to when he “died”. He wasn’t just fucking little kids he was deadass ruining everything that was cool and fun

Game Microtransactions

TLDR: this is epstein and another dude corresponding with the CEO of Activision (maker of call of duty) and discussing how video games are a great way to introduce children to capitalism and the economy via small transactions in the game as well as introducing them to “big tits” and “thong”(s). They literally are saying they want to create “educational subversion”. This is why games suck now. they are no longer a fun thing to do when ur a kid u have to rape ur parents cc to see any progress and are just fed porn instead.

Vegas Shooting:

I wont lie this ones kinda schizo but if ur interested in this one read this thread from twitter:

Basically the gist is Eppers and MBS (Crown Prince of Saudi and de facto ruler) had a relationship and there was a joint venture involving a piece of land adjacent to where the shooting took place. Idk man that entire shooting makes non fucking sense to me like anyone whos looked into it is like “yo this is fucking retarded none of this adds up.” i’d do your own research on this one

Great Recession

TLDR: Essentially what we have here is the fact that Epstein was dabbling in Structured credit investment vehicles at Bear Sterns (bank who’s failing helped kick off the financial crisis of 08) and basically had to withdraw all his money from the fund at one instance because of the fact he was getting arrested that first time. this withdrawal (im not gonna try to explain leverage here) caused the house of cards to tumble for bear stearns and that fund collapsed literally 3 months later! this is actually insane like he had his part in everything lmao. now im not saying that shit was epsteins fault that; whole shitshow would’ve happened regardless but jeff was literally a main catalyst to it which is so funny tbh.

The whole Far right movement of the late teens

TLDR: What we have here is JE corresponding with Moot (gay ass name) who is the founder of 4chan. Days after they meet, moot launches /pol. Which for u normals out there is where a lot of the far right ideas were incubated in the 2010s. The implication here is that epstein had a hand in orchestrating the culture war between the right and left. Qanon, trad shit, nationalistic ideas that are still super relevant today were all disseminated in large part due to the existence of pol. The counter culture of BLM and woke and all that shit exists as a response to all this! we are all pawns in a game holy shit this one made me crash out. its hard to emphasize how crazy this is

Isis/Hamas/Nasra and other militant groups and overall mideast politics

This one is kinda tough to parse and idk if i have the ball knowledge to accurately explain all of it but from the way it reads to me its basically epstein and a redacted individual discussing meetings with ehud barak (former PM of Israel) and larry summers (former US sec of Treasury) and they’re discussing isis and nusra and other militant groups in the mid east as well as whats transpiring as if they have insider info. which is sus.

Libya and its fall

This is fucking crazy. so when libyas regime was toppled epstein and this homie greg brown are just in the background talking about how the reported number of assets is actually 4x whats reported (320billion instead of 80billions) and that they have a plan to go in and recover some of it so they can make out like bandits. real bag chaser shit u kinda gotta tip ur hat. this is what they do while we just wageslave tho

Miscellaneous Nefarious Shi

This is gonna be just random shit that will make u do a double take in addition to some stuff that’s pretty horrible but there’s not firsthand evidence so its technically alleged or assumed from the info available.

Trump’s security threatening murder and admitting to other murders?

This is from FBI documents. The source pdf has hella shit in there its worth chekcing out but what caught a real ones eye was the [art abpiut Trumps head of security allegedly saying that if this huzz ever said anything abt what she saw Trump and others do she would end up as “fertilizer…like the other cunts”. which is not good. u never wanna end up as fertilizer. and if theres a history of people being turned into fertilizer in situations that you find yourself in, you need to probably get out.

More trump/gmaxx/JE doing sex crime shi and whatnot

Just various bad news bears allegations here. the link has the full doc I would peruse if ur interested

Jeffery Epstein N bomb

Casual racism here from the jeffery

JE and trump virgin girlmaxxing

A lot to unpack here in this pic as well as the full doc but the main thing is them claiming that a sheik gave Trump his virgin daughter to which the jeffery responded “oh i love when the do that”. like what. theyre so flippant abt it lmao its just so casual when tlaking about heinous crimes

GMaxx Poetrymaxxing

Ghislaine maxwell writing some nice poetry fantasizing about a world with no arabs

Conclusion (Temporarily)

This is where im gonna stop for now. this is probably like 40% of the source material i gathered for this article but its just so much and neverending so im gonna split it into parts. The more batshit insane and demonic shit is still there to discuss so we’ll get to that

-R

but ya now that u mfs know the history of how the current situation in iran came to be we can talk about whats going on currently/what happened a few weeks ago. to sum it up it all started bc of anger boiling up about the economy. inflation is crazy fucked in iran and it legit skyrocketed recently idrk the immediate causes of this tho tbh. i do know one of the biggest private banks in iran, ayandeh, basically failed in the fall and the gov had to take it over but ya financial shit in iran is not necessarily something im a subject matter expert in.

the long term causes of this tho are pretty clear to me. sanctions! the us has placed sanctions upon iran for the majority of the time it has existed as the islamic republic. these economic sanctions are pretty insanely crippling to a countrys economy but at the same time i legit dont know of a single time placing these sanctions upon a country has actually yielded the results desired when it comes to foreign policy. like idk if the fucking morons who have governed our country for the past 80 years realize that no matter how harsh the sanctions are, the ppl in power are still gonna be living it up (post ww2 is where i really think we lost all semblance of sanity in the governing areas of our country). but like ya i guarantee u khamenei doesnt feel the impacts of inflation and neither does his family. all of the ruling ppl in iran have sent their family to the us or canada or europe for the most part. they’re fine i can promise u that

it’s genuinely funny that the mfs in our govt havent thought thru the process of like “well we dont give a shit abt the poor ppl in our country but surely this other country’s rulers do!” like no. none of u ghouls actually care about poor ppl or what the majority of your countrymen deal with. you just all want to push ur moronic ideology on everyone. like the fact we have placed all these sanctions on russia thinking that putin will care one iota is hilarious. that mf is one of the purest ideologues in the world today. he is dogmatic as fuck. he will hemorrhage all the gazprom money if that means he gets what he wants in terms of expansion. millions will die. he doesnt care. u ask him why he wants to do this and he starts talking about the history of russia from thousands of years ago. he is a true sicko. this shit means something to him personally it is not about money at all. he has eliminated a majority of the oligarchs bc they were motivated by money. he isnt. so he killed them or took their bread. he stole that shit on some tekashi.

of course deep down i do think that the leaders do realize that these sanctions dont actually force any meaningful change in a foreign countrys policy. they just do it still bc it helps them out personally. whether its to score points w the party they’re affiliated with or bc the ppl actually running the show (ahem) want it done so it gets done. none of it matters to them in the slightest.

but ya sanctions have forced the inflation issues which caused the initial unrest earlier this year. the thing you also have to realize when you’re looking at this is that irans not a 3rd world country. u are not in somalia or some place like that. the country is very educated and has universal literacy basically. most ppl know 2 languages (primarily english as the second). in ages 18-22 iran actually has higher enrollment in college/university than the us and 60-70% of those are women on some girl power feminist shi. now the counter to this is that iran doesnt have brickell miami where theres a bunch of ppl who didnt go to college printing money from the sky via the internet but ya still p solid numbers noentheless. the standard of living isnt bad either. tehran is legit a modern city that i would put on par with a medellin (been to both so i can say this) and the rest of the country is what i’d compare to italy straight up excluding the train system italy boasts (sorry but the one thing mussolini was right on was trains). im saying this in terms of standard of living btw i know iran doesnt have fucking abundant wine and italian perverts everywhere.

the dumbass social and decency laws in iran suck ass too but ppl think its like the saudi burqa where u can only show ur eyes which is just not the case. u have to be modest to an extent but its not nearly as rigid recently and im not bein an apologist for the regime bc i think all that shit is stupid as fuck i love immodest huzz i just need ppl to understand that we are not dealing with ppl in burqas coverred head to toe in a somaliajacent landscape riding around on wagons inbetween huts. its a fully functioning society even despite the sanctions

so ya back to the main point. protests start bc of the inflation as it is likely to happen when you live in a country with a fairly unpopular regime (idk exact polling but i would wager that at least 70% of the country does not fuck with the current leading authorities they just deal with it) but ya shit will erupt when stuff gets too annoying. And then all that pent up frustration that ppl usually are able to stomach and cast aside bc life is still ok albeit not ideal at all with the sanctions, and blackouts, and dumbass societal rules, will fucking erupt into the protests that you saw in the news. and it sucks because ppl die. and a lot of ppl did die. and they didnt need to. i know as a society we’ve become so desensitized to people across the world dying but on some real shit anyones life being cut short is an incomprehensible tragedy in my opinion. those ppl all have families. they all have ppl who care about them and love them. they all had dreams and aspirations. (there are some exceptions to this where i think its ok but those are offline thoughts)

i dont really have thoughts about where iran goes from here because truthfully i dont think im the person who should have thoughts about it. which is taking me to my next point. i dont live there and while i have family who does, that doesnt really mean i can just broadly say this and that should happen. the people in iran are the ones who should dictate their own future and decide what it is they want for the future of their country. and this is where ppl really started to piss me off w the way they talk about this shit in the media and online and even in real life.

first off im sounding off on diaspora mfs again. yall still fucking suck. and yes i am technically a part of this group too. but i do think theres levels to it. and this is how i characterize it. these are the main discerning questions you have to ask to identify how valid a diasporic persians opinions on things are within a reasonable degree of certainty. Did their family leave iran independent of the resolution? Do they still have family residing in the country? Are they able to go back and visit freely? if they answer no no no you can just walk away. these ppl suck 99% of the time. these are the ppl whos families fled bc they had ties with the shah (bad guy remember part 1) and they fled the country with their stolen riches and set up shop somewhere in LA. now obviously theres some exceptions here but this will steer u right a majority of the time. and its super helpful bc its widely known that irans diaspora is one of the most insufferable. up there with cubans. these ppl suck tho bc they want the shah back so they can go back and continue to corruptionmaxx and line their own pockets. they look to the US and say “yes daddy pls bomb my country and the ppl living there bc then maybe i can go back and make more money!” truly despicable and ya im looking at u patrick bet david.

quick sidenote to reza pahlavi himself. who is the son of the former shah and who a lot of these persian diaspora mfs want to install in power. dude u are such a fucking lowlife like all the groveling that u do and the whole make iran great again humiliation ritual just for trump to fade ur ass bc even he realizes that u have no farr (persian word for aura) and that no one likes u is so funny. like even ur wife doesnt fuck with u. she is legit getting rawed down by her poolboy or personal trainer i forget who he was exactly. but ya hes a cuck and he should go back to trying to be a professional photographer bc hes just embarrassing himself.

the second group of ppl i wanna sound off on are all the morons in media/morons on social media who just put out these declarative, super convicted pieces on shit that they dont have any actual idea about. first off, the general misinformation i saw online during this whole entire spectacle was so wild. like i saw videos of protests from years ago in different countries even being displayed as if they had just happened. i saw fine shyt jenna ortegas picture used as a photo of an iranian who had been killed in the protest. it was so ridiculous

i saw well known retard bill ackman talk about how khamenei and his fam were probably on a jet to to moscow to fade and its just like how dense r u dude? like how have you still not understood that these people are not just going to abscond at the slightest hint of provocation. all the people calling for US strikes think that its gonna topple the regime overnight and thats legit based off what? the goy beam they used in venezuela wont work in iran u cant goylaser an entire city. khameneis security is way tighter than maduro. khamenei legit doesnt ever even go out in public! no one really knows where that mf is

all us strikes would do is just make life for normal iranians harder, kill a bunch of civilians, and make the regime officials just dig in deeper. what it also does is unite the country like it did this past summer when israel and US struck iran. while a lot of the country does not fuck with the regime and they want change there, guess what they fuck with even less? foreign powers meddling in their affairs and just raining hellfire from the sky. the country just put their differences aside for that time and unified against the common enemy. which again, is the people who are destroying residential buildings to just kill one nuclear scientist nerd. the us will gain nothing by striking iran, it will literally only make things worse for their stated desired goal (the actual motivations of a strike are different than what they say abt how they wanna free iran but thats for another time). the only way the us could realistically force regime change in iran is with a full scale ground and air campaign and thats just gonna be a tough sell to americans imo. ppl in this generation do not want to die in a war; they wanna do liquid bag and wear designer and go to jeans

the only way for this to really work is for a revolution to come from within the country and to be done by the ppl who actually reside there and are from there. the issue is right now, at least from my perspective, that doesn’t seem super close to possible rn. there is no real revolutionary base in iran currently. like theres a lot of ppl who dont fw the mullahs but theyre not super organized. theres no centralized figurehead or power structure. which means that its something that will be difficult to maintain in terms of a long revolutionary struggle. the revo in 79 literally took like 2+ years to complete, there just isnt that same organization or stamina currently to undergo something like that. the people in 79 were religious fanatics. those ppl are inherently going to be more motivated than the ppl today who are just normals who want a better life. a lot of this again has to do with the fact that the standard of living is fine. its not perfect by any means but its not somalia. so its tough for people to be like yo we gotta lock in for 2 years and a ton of us have to die for us to maybe succeed. human nature will prevail and ppl will go back to their lives.

the last group of ppl i wanna say something abt is the virtue signaling ass mfs. now i know these ppl mean well so ill be nice but at the same time its like shut up pls. the people who will post free iran and call for us intervention etc. like u guys just say shit. free iran and then what? what comes next? the country is just magically western again? the huzz are back to wearing bikinis and alcohol is flowing and theres a silencio that opens up in tehran? when has that ever happened? when was the last time a regime change occurred, especially in the mideast, where the country came out better? all the countries that had a regime change in the arab spring suck even more ass now. egypt sucks more. libya sucks more for sure (im a gaddhafi truther to an extent prbly will do an article abt this), yemen is basiaclly a cod map, like none of them actually improved. but the protestors got to be the times person of the year! so i guess it all worked out in the end.

basically my whole problem with those ppl is that they’ll post that shit or they’ll text me and be like “hope iran is free soon!” or “If trump somehow helps Iran r u gunna rock maga hat” (twin if u read this im sorry but i had to include that) but ya shit like that is pretty dumb imo. the assumption that “freeing iran” in the capacity they’re talking abt is gonna be definitively positive thing with no possible blowback or repercussions just doesnt make sense and screams ignorance to me. and like its fine to be ignorant abt this subject like it makes sense even. i dont expect everyone in the us to be well versed abt this shi. but just be ignorant and stay out of it. or be inquisitive and educate urself. dont just get psyopped by the mainstream media who has fearmongered about the country for decades and has painted it as some evil entity that is striving for the destruction of the western world.

so ya thats the update as of now and there will maybe be more to come as there are currently talks scheduled to be held between iran mfs and us mfs in oman friday. trump hasnt ruled out strikes and it became pretty clear that the reason he didnt strike before is bc a lot of the us forces just weren’t in the area. we’ve since moved a ton of ships and shit to the persian gulf so who knows what will happen. time will tell but ya basically just dont pay attention to media about shit when it comes to iran or any middle eastern country for that matter its like 90% bullshit. come to me instead. i will steer you right i promise <3

-R

now once again when it comes to geopolitics im like the north star. im the guiding light that is going to lead all of u out of the darkness of propaganda and into the bosom of truth.

so lets go over what happened in iran and why all the shit over there is the way that it is. to explain this story effectively (even what im gonna do is going to be grossly over simplifying the context) we need to start like 100 yrs ago so you know what led to the situation that is currently happening in the country to be the reality. and this is a topic that hits home for an mf. im persian. my fam is from iran. i still got family and friends there. theres hella goth bad bitches there. my heart yearns for all of them.

so basically around the time when ww2 ended (im skipping like thousands of years of history to keep this short and digestible) iran had a shah (persian word for king) and he was basically a puppet for the british who were paper chasing in the region via OIL. it literally always can be traced back to oil. so the setup up this point is basically the shah is sucking and fucking the british so they will back him and gas him up when neededby way of allowing the brits exclusive rights to suck and fuck the iranian oil reserves for pennies on the dollar and then sell that oil to the rest of the world for actual dollars

people in iran though (the ones not connected to the monarchy) kinda feel like this is unfair. they’re lowkirk pissed off that another country is just pillaging the countrys most valuable asset. im gonna pause right here and try to frame this for my american audience. imagine if kim jong un was just coming into the states and just taking all the hot blondes and hung chads. and everyones like “dude wtf those blondes and chads are ours. they were created here. you already have a country full of abgs why do u need our bluzz (blonde huzz) and hung chads?” and trumps like “nah its chill kim gives me all the bread me and my friends want but ya all the blonde huzz are going to NK and a lot of them have fakeracks too and the chads are following and they’re like giga hung and natty”. that would piss u off no?

so ya a lot of the iranian population was pissed off. now at this time Mohammad Mossaddegh (good guy) was DEMOCRATICALLY elected by the parliament or whatver the fuck the governing body they had was called by a vote of like 79-12 or some overwhelming shit like that. and the shah is like i have to let this guy have some power otherwise everyone whos pissed off is gonna be even more pissed off. so he gives old boy some power to do shit and hopes that will be the end of that and he can go back to aurafarming and be rich and have thick eyebrows.

mossaddegh starts instituting some overwhelmingly popular reforms ( one is to literally outlaw slavejacent labor lmao) and becomes giga popular bc he actually has his fucking ears to the streets. hes not deepthroating the brits hes actually listening to mfs and instituting some change type shi on some yes we can (fade obama still tho). and i wanna stress if u conflated his politics to a spectrum hed fall center left. hes not some libtard wacko. hes just not a hardline conservative and hes iran first which is what starts to worry the brits.

the country under mossaddegh is a fucking movie it seems. theres a leader who cares. and they have all the freedoms a normal country at the time would have so all the fucking aura edits of iran before the revolution u see on reels or on twitter wouldve applied during mossadeghs admin as well. life is good

he then does what is defined as a mortal sin by those fucked up teeth having mfs and nationalises the oil industry. (i realize this seems more left than just center left but lets think about this. if you have to wrestle the oil industry away from a foreign power so your citizens can take advantage of it the first step is to take it away from the foreign power via nationalisation and then u can figure out how your domestic market is going to deal with it). mossaddegh was literally pro democracy he was not a communist by any means and im prefacing this bc the us and mid britain are literally about to act like hes fucking karl marx.

so the brits crash the fuck out when this happens bc theyre like what the actual fucky are we gonna do when we cant make money exploiting another country’s resources and they run to the americans for help getting mossaddegh. now eisenhowers admin at first is like “yall are fucking insane you want us to overthrow a foreign country’s prime minister because you want oil?” (this was before the americans response to any country not doing what they wanted was to kill their leader i know it may sound weird we weren’t all over this but its ok bc we come around via the dulles brothers)

so allen and foster dulles (head of CIA and secretary of state at the time respectively) hear about this and literally start frothing at the loins to get in on this action. they are litereally rock fucking hard at the thought of overthrowing the iranian govt albeit for different reasons.

Allen is just a true sicko and was a spy during his younger days ( a super shitty one he literally missed a meeting with vladimir lenin before the commie revolution in 1917 and couldve altered the course of history but he was on play with “two buxom swiss girls” lmao and just blew lenin off) but ya allen was a spy and just liked getting up to mischief so he wanted another chance to feel something.

Foster though was just ideologically fucked. like he had gotten so corpo brained while working at sullivan and cromwell (top law firm basically influenced a lot of how the world looked financially at the time) that he had literally been a staunch supporter of the fucking nazis leading up to ww2 bc they did business together and allegedly was bawling crying after the meeting when the law firm divested from nazi germany. but ya he could only think about shareholder bottom line and wanted to help out his old friends at the british oil companies so he was like fuck ya lets overthrow some shit.

the dulles bros team up on some hardy boys shi and basically psyopp the entire eisenhower admin (morons) that mossaddegh was a raging communist (not accurate) and that if they didnt overthrow him all that oil would flow straight into the USSR and then stalin would personally fuck all their wives powered by iranian oil (this was not true the soviets actually did not like mossaddegh bc he didnt align with their beliefs and also they wanted no part of the iranian oil production as they realized a country that at the time supplied 60% of the USA’s oil is totally something the US would go to war over and they didnt want any part of that).

so basically the whole communist thing was BS and the dulles brothers did this whole song and dance bc they literally just didnt want to pay retail price for the oil they were getting. so the dulles bros get the green light from ikes bald ass (is he our only bald president?) to go forward with the coup and they get straight to work just assasinating key members of the govt and military. the ppl in iran naturally get pissed off at this and start protesting against a foreign power murdering key ppl in their govt and take to the streets and theres a lot of fuckin hooplah here.

the US goes to mossaddegh and is like yo u gotta change ur shit otherwise shits gonna keep being fucky and at first he resists on some ferd but then he bitches out after the us basically says yo if u dont listen to us put down the protests we’re gonna disavow ur entire govt on the world stage and he folds.

this was his fatal mistake. once he puts down the protests the cia sends their goons in and they take over the govt and basically just put the shah back up as the main decision maker. so oil is cheap again and now the US actually gets a 40% cut! how exciting. and im not just being a giga homer and making this shit up or believing some conspiracy. this is all fact. the cia literally admitted to doing the iranian coup. look it up

now the US is giga involved bc they dont want any of that fuckery to happen again. in the years after the coup they just murk or torture any one who is organizing politically against the shah except for whatever reason they kinda leave the religious mfs (the ones in power now) alone. i dont really know why or how this transpired but ya. they disrupt like the iranian democratic movements and theres also socialist and communist mfs as well and they just eviscerate those ppl.

the problem is while opposition political leaders are being taken care of the normal ppl of the country are still fucking pissed bc their countrys natural resources are being stolen again and also now the shah is attacking and torturing and killing his own civilians to maintain his rule. bad news bears all aorund.

so another revolution happens after about two years of continued protests against the raping and pillaging of the country by western powers and the only opposition group that has been allowed to operate even a little is the hardline shia fundamentalists so theyre the ones who end up taking over. after this its khomeinis govt and country and he shuts shit down quick and that is why the country is being ruled now by khamenei and the rest of the mullahs.

so ya. thats literally the quickest way i could explain the history of how we got to where we are right now and it legit took me almost 2000 words. to recap: US and UK wanted cheap oil via shah which superseded iranians desire to have sovereignty over themselves and that led to religious hardliners controlling the country now.

the dulles brothers fucking suck for this and so much other shit too they really fucked everything up in a huge way and ill prob write an article about them bc their actions following ww2 was what cemented US globalization as the default foreign policy. before them most conservatives had an isolationist view where they ltrly just wanted to focus only on america and not give a fuck abt other countries and their bullshit but nooooooo allen needs to feel something bc he hates his wife and turned his son into a vegetable and foster needs to think about shareholder value. they suck

this is part one. this is basically all u need to know abt how iran got to the point that its at rn and then ill write part 2 in the coming days about what happened in the past few weeks and why i think a lot of the takes u see online and in mainstream media are moronic and lazy as fuck. i wasn’t planning on this being two parts but shit happens and i need to go to bed soon.

-R

but ya delta force took nicolas maduro and his wife and reportedly had no casualties. which is pretty crazy and lowkirk not super believable but we’ll go with it i guess. now you may be wondering how we just went into a foreign country and stole their leader super easily and thats super valid. i think one of two things is true and im leaning more towards the second.

possibility number one is that maduro just wanted out. he was tweaked abt trump taking the oil tankers and blowing up fisherman in the ocean just for fun and was like fuck this shit im dipping sack and hopefully getting a place in miami out of this shit. that could explain why his wife was taken too.

possibility number two is that maduro got sold out by people in his circle. snakes in the grass type shit. most likely a combo of delcy rodriguez (we’ll get to her but she just got sworn in as interim(?) president), vladimir padrino (named after lenin and current boss man of the army, and cabello (bro is head of police basically and their secret police adjacent) so they had the militsry stand down while the delta force mfs just waltzed in listening to hells bells and doing bag and stole their president. the reason i think this is the likely scenario is bc maduro had way too much dip on his chip. that mf was feeling himself and calling out trump and telling him to come get him and shit and mimicking his dance (deadass internal US govt sources say this was the last straw for trump) so i think his inner circle was like yo hes gonna get us all touched we gotta get this mf out now.

lowkirkenually if i was an enemy head of state i would do what zohran did and just dickride. be like yo trump u smoke too tough, ur swag too diffy, ur bitch too bad to get him to like u and then he’ll pretty much just wont mess with u. like the thing with trump is that he doesnt actually believe in anything so if he likes u he’ll just do shit for u or at least leave u alone as long as u dont piss him off and can provide something for him. like fr if i was khameini i would just be like “mr trump u are so cool u would be such great persian. u are probably persian somewhere back in ur lineage. we are the real aryans u know thats why its called iran. let me name a mall in tehran after u” and that would probably change foreign policy to some extent if im being real. maduro fucked this up and while it was really funny to see him goad trump, it fucked him over in the end.

the thing with maduro thats gonna be interesting is that hes kinda him lowkey. like by all accounts hes super charismatic and tall (he legit heightmogged all the us agents that were escorting him). this trial is gonna be super interesting. like i genuinelly think if he got the opportunity to kick it with trump theyd build something special and change the world type shi.

so now im gonna go over the immediate aftermath of this shit. delcy rodriguez is now the president and trump says she’s gonna be more amenable to building with the us which i lowkirk dont believe. like that bitch is a socialist thru and thru. her entire fam growing up was. when she was a kid shed go to visit her pops in pris bc he was on socialist shit. and then her dad ended up being tortured to death by the previous regime. so like some pretty grim shit. time will tell tho ig prayers up for her bc the spotlights on.

a lot of mfs (legacy media being wrong once again) thought this huzz named machado was gonna be instilled into power but trump nixed that by saying in a presser that the venezuelan ppl didn’t fuck w her so he was fading her ass. its funny bc she legit just won the nobel peace prize (super fraudulent on some rodri ballon d’or she legit just got propped up bc trump and co was hating on venny and maduro) but still got faded. this is legit bc of the fact that she won the peace prize imo. like trump was apparently super pissed that he didnt win and wanted her to decline the award and give it to him. she even dedicated it to him lmao and he still, according to sources, called it “the ultimate sin”. im telling u trump just wants u to glaze him he doesnt believe in anything if she had done what he wanted he probably would be supporting her bitch ass rn lol.

this is where it gets spicy and where im gonna throw some truth bombs at dummies. a lot of mfs around the world are celebrating this shit being like “wooohoooo maduro was evil this is a great thing!” respectfully, yall are all either morons or purely out for self.

there is nothing good about the us govt just going in and stealing a head of state. thats not lit. the whole being the arbiter of the world shit is not ok and by the reaction of a lot of people that actually live in Venezuela, they are pretty fucking pissed off too. i know this may come as a shocker to some people but ur trusty venezuelan source for all things venezuela who lives in the US and whos name is julian eichmann hernandez-mengele, is not a reliable barometer for what actual people in the country are thinking. im so sick and tired of ppl just echoing whatever the diaspora from a particular country is saying bc theres a fucking reason they are not in venezuela still. its bc they suck shit and got kicked out by chavez. im looking at u cuban mfs too. a lot of yall suck and are just mad castro bitch slapped u. get over it.

im literally a product of the persian diaspora. and im saying this. the majority of our diaspora sucks ass too. patrick bet-david i hate u. LA persians, i hate most of u. the shah is not him he just fucked w ur uncle and let him get breaded. that doesnt mean we need that dumbass cuck back in power. DIE

im not even a maduro supporter i think hes mid and the drop off between him and chavez who seemed pretty capable from all accounts is pretty severe. but like to steal him? thats insane. bashar al assad is an mf that should’ve been stolen years ago. but isntead he and his wife were getting fucking vogue features. its straight up a nasty wolrd. maduro wasnt that bad from what i’ve seen he was just pretty run of the mill authoritarian figure. which is still bad but like theres so much worse out there. like every govt sucks ass i dont think maduros was extraordinarily worse. like he wasnt on some idi amin lets be real

it is weird tho bc the quality of life for the avg venezuelan probably gets better? and this is what supporters of ousting maduro harp on but lets for one second just examine the main reason why it sucks to live there rn. well people are poor, resources are scarce, and their exports have been dwindling. all no bueno and quite literally all caused by the US sanctions lmao. we create the fucking problem and then use it as reasoning to do whatver tf we want its pretty insane. and the majority of ppl just eat that shit up. braindeads.

moving forward here is gonna be interesting. obviously everyones been talking abt the oil implications but i really just dont see it happening im sorry. the people in venny clearly do not fuck with the idea of the us coming in and privatising their oil industry and i dont think its something we can take by force tbh. its one thing to come in and hit a lick on the president but to take over a country takes soooooooooooo many fucking resources its not even funny. i mean we did this in iraq and spent trillions and it didnt work! now oil execs do have the special type of biblical greed to ignore that and try again but it would just be such a nightmare imo. venny is uniquely fortified against any sort of military action and again its one thing to send in the special task force fueled by the psycho serum but to send in 19 year old dickheads who dont know shit abt fuck to Venezuela of all places is just not happening.

also to be completely honest, venezuela does not have the amount of oil we think it does. according to the morons at the legacy media venny has the largest oil reserves in the world. yep venezuela has the most oil in the world (its also the shittiest, gloopiest oil in the world that can only be refined in like 3 places but whatever). does that make sense to you? it shouldn’t. “but the source is OPEC!” they say. OPEC doesnt independently audit those numbers. they just take the word of whatever the country says their oil reserve is. so the media wants u to believe that the country that they have been telling u has been led by maduro, who is a lying drug trafficking illegitimate president and who’s prior president: hugo chavez is the socialist boogieman, is also simultaneously telling the truth about their oil reserves. the media legit thinks u guys are stupid. more pragmatic estimates put vennys oil at like 1/4th of the actual estimates so still a lot of oil im just tired of ppl saying its got the most. it just makes no sense

.a lot of ppl are pontificating what all this means for the rest of the world. idk to be real. china may see this as a way to take taiwan and have a leg to stand on when it comes to the legality of it. but also the us couldve done this preemptively knowing that china was def gonna take taiwan already so they use venny as a way to make up the economic loss of taiwan? idk theres too much shit we wont know the real motives until more data is out there. russia could use this to take zelenskyy? i dont necessairly agree with that bc russias whole thing isnt regime change its straight up a land grab so i dont think thats hella fruitful considering its not like zelenskyy is super loved in ukraine or globally (doing corruption during a war will do that). the cia may be able to instill a leader in venny who is sympatehtic to them and then maybe the US will get what they want! idk.

i think whats more likely to happen is that trump is gonna get bored bc the excitement of watching his troops steal a president cant be topped by what would come in terms of trying to instill genuine regime change in venezuela so he’s gonna turn his attention elsewhere. unfortunately for me and my family its looking like that attention shift will be to iran again.

all this could be wrong tho. i’ve been seeing some ppl say that the oil and regime change and all that is just a front to hide something even more important. according to some sources online maduro had found traces of an unknown culture in the mountains. and that this has to be the lost tomb of gilgamesh and the nephilim. and all this was just a fuckin charade for the US to go in and get that. who the fuck knows anymore

-R

but while doing this i was conversing with my friends and he was telling me how one of his indian chads is in the ai porn industry. now, to preface this, im like 98% he means that he creates ai huzz sluts to shill lonely incels into giving him money and is not actually creating ai porn of himself but i guess that doesnt really matter for what im gonna get into. now the thing is this mf makes bread so it got us talking abt whether or not we would participate in an occupation such as that just to chase a bag and be able to buy more chrome hearts.

the consensus between the 3 of us was that that no, we would not contribute to the sloppification and moral degradation of society just to be able to go to st barts 5 months of the year rather than the 2 we go currently but it got me thinking. is porn peddling the worst thing a regular mf can do to make bread?

it took me like 2 seconds to figure out the answer is unequivocally no. anyone who works at a towing company is no joke like 5x worse than someone who creates fake huzz with an ai prompt that with each nip slip is actively poisoning the water supply of our impoverished communities all in the end goal of some guy in a dark room to send $10 via tip in before he finishes and feels gross about what hes done.

and like straight up that scene i just typed above is disgusting. i fr felt not good writing it. like real nightmarish shit. but still not nearly as nightmarish and disgusting as your soul has to be in order for you to work at a towing company.

so my cars been towed twice in the past year and im just gonna go ahead describe some of the bullshit that i experienced throughout that process bc its actually so goddamn ridiculous. first of all, BOTH times my car was towed it was towed incorrectly ( to varying degrees). the first time is more gray area it was lowkirk my friends fault so i’ll give them a pass on this one but the second time was total bullshit.

towgate number 2 i got my shit took from a spot that i had paid to be in all bc the cabal that the miami beach parking people and the towing companies have together. like neither of them bothered to check if my license plate was valid. i think they just saw that i didnt have a sticker (sticker is for permanent residents i was paying for temp) and just towed my bitch ass. like how the fuck are you in the towing business and your SOP is to tow first and ask questions later. the blatant disregard these mfs have for what is essentially someone elses property is absurd.

now ill get more into that scenario in a little but i wanna go back to the first time i got my shit took. so starting out theres legit no fucking notice or notification to you. they just take ur shit and u have to figure it out on some sherlock holmes. I remember emerging from the spot i was staying out and just being so flabbergasted bc my car just was no longer in the parking spot. it was like an episode of david blaine street magic. shit was gone with no warning.

so after i collect my thoughts i call the towing company that has the sign in the lot and ask if they took my shit and describe my whip and give the license plate number and the fucking mouthbreather on the other line goes “nope dont have that”. so im like thats weird but i call other towing companies and they say they dont have it either. i eventually have to end up calling the police just for them to tell me that it has to be at the one that has the sign up. so i call again and im like hey are you sure you dont have a silver 4runner with this plate and the fuckface goes “nope we only have a silver 4runner with the plate number ending in 4 not 8”. naturally i enquire “so everything is the exact same…color, make, model, first 6 digits of the plate number. what if the guy just wrote the wrong number down when he brought it in?” so the guy finally goes out and checks and is like ya ur right the last number is an 8 actually.

at this point im already at my wits end bc that was so fucking retarded like how r u gonna tell me thats not my car when i call in the first time. the thing abt these tow drive fuckers is that there is legit no recourse for the bullshit they put u through. like that dickhead can just sit there and be intentionally obtuse abt having my LEGIT PROPERTY and i cant do shit abt it. its honestly pretty humbling

the retardation doesnt end there though once i got to the spot i see that you have to pay in cash (obviously) so new obstacle got unlocked and also i technically cant claim my whip bc the registration is under my moms name technically. obviously a phone call from my mom isnt going to suffice and they need a notarized form filled out authorizing me getting the whip. at this point it feels like im speedrunning thru dante’s 9 circles of hell.

so while im figuring this new debacle out im just standing there and i see this milf go up and ask them if they have her whip there. obviously the guy is like “nope we dont have any jeeps on the lot”. mind you i can see into their lot and i can see a jeep there but whatever. so the huzz goes to the towing company next door and asks them too. they say no and so she walks back over and i say “hey is that your jeep right there” and she says yes and goes back to the first guy being like what the fucky thts literally my car. and the fat fuck just looks at her and goes oh ok.

like what the actual fuck. im pretty sure their standard response when someone asks if they have their car is to just say no. bc every addtl night ur car is there its an extra 100 bucks or some shit. so they are legit just incentivized to lie abt not having stolen ur property. its legitimately insane. and they just get away with it. constantly. theres actually no oversight when it comes to these fucking cretins i hate them so much oooooooooooooh im abt to crash out.

the second time my car was towed i go to the spot and im like yo my shit was paid for and show the guy the proof. and he goes not my problem take that up with the city parking dpt but u cant have ur car until they say everythings fine which will take a couple weeks. mind you they will charge me for every night that its there. so obviously i just pay the guy the 600 bucks and im like ill get it back in blood type shit but genuinely what other businesses are allowed to operate like this? it is actually asinine that they can just take what it is yours and then hold it over your head until you pay them an absurd ransom. at least with ai porn those fuckers are voluntarily giving their money up and are happy to do so. towing is actually just legalized theft. and im honestly not sure how legal it all is. im pretty sure they operate under the assumption that ppl arent gonna waste their time trying to actually sue them.

straight up tho idk how more of those fuckers arent shot. like in miami especially? theres gotta be some people who have gotten towed or are in the process of getting towed who have no concept of consequences and have just tried to swiss cheese these cunts like i legit dk how towing person hate crimes arent more prevalent

but ya all in all i hate them so much and the first thing im doing once i am in power as supreme leader of the world is rounding all of those pieces of shit up and using their flesh as fuel for the ai porn data servers. then i will shut down the ai porn data servers bc the moral depravity of the world is another thing i will be tackling as supreme leader. however priority number one is obviously those tow fuckers

-R

when i was an young yp i was more on the libtard side of this issue and thought that the homeless were delicate little flowers that just needed to be watered a bit before they would blossom into beautiful florets that would transcend our society into a new valhalla that we could all enjoy. i no longer believe this (about every single unhoused mf some of them prob are) and its because of a realization that i came to a few years ago.

lowkirk i’ve always believed that most people in our society are unfortunately inherently selfish and just overall not good people but for whatever reason i never extended this same belief to the homeless i really just reserved it for corporate greed maxxers or politicians or doctors or whatever. but once i applied this belief to the homeless too the fix to the unhoused problem finally clicked for me.

just like the rest of society not every homeless is a good person but there are some who genuinely are just down on their luck and need a little help getting out of a tough spot. of course there are also the ones who you could give every opportunity in the world and even if u gave them some fye carol christian poell to wear to a job interview they’d sell it to buy a spoon to cook some meth up. the only difference really would be that the spoon would be tiffany.

this is why my idea is perfect. it allows for the homeless who are genuinely trying to make a better life for themselves to do so while also providing a better resolution for the mfs who just wanna geek and fent fold.

Path 1: Allow Yourself to Prosper
This first part is going to be a massive undertaking, both logistically and financially, but it will be worth it and dont worry theres gonna be a way where we can make the bread back to pay for all this shit.

we have to build huge temporary dormitories (most likely will be brutalist) outside every major population center that has a huge homeless population. obviously new yorks (~140k homeless mfs) will be bigger than chicagos (30k homeless mfs) but they wont even have to be big enough for that many people bc not every unhoused mf is going to want to move to the dorms so they can become productive members of society. a lot of them are just gonna wanna stay outside to geek and fent fold.

but lets say half of them do go to the dorms the estimated cost for this massive construction effort is like $28 billion (we currently spend $10billion a year nationally on the homeless crisis) but like i said dont worry i have a plan so we can make at least some of this back.

the whole point of this housing project is to provide them with shelter and food and amenities so they can feel like people again along with providing resources to teach them skills so they can go out in the world and find jobs or go to school and become productive members of society.

this mf is also gonna create a fuckton of jobs in the form of instructors and food workers and all that shit so we’re stimulating the economy in this way too as well as whatever construction company (hopefully mine) is gonna win the contract for the fucking buildings.

but ya basically the whole concept here is if you are willing to forego your current life on the streets (ltrly why wouldnt u) and go into the temporary housing to learn skills we’ll give you like 6 months or something free of charge to reset and learn some skills and apply to jobs and all that shit. the idea is that we’d also have partners that we’d be working with to place people into new roles and whatnot. we’ll work with colleges and schools to get programs set up to give scholarships to people as well and work with to subsidize future rents and stuff too like i really want this to be the golden ticket out and i am willing to do really anything to help someone who wants to accept the help and better their life.

this is really a no brainer if you are not willing to take advantage of free housing, free food, free counseling, free fucking everything for the 6 months or 9 months or whatever it is and then go and get a job and get subsidized rent to turn your life around then you are cooked and you really should not be able to just roam the streets of our cities and do whatever the fuck u want. there is a social contract and i am going to make you sign that shit otherwise you’re going into path 2.

additional note: if you are someone who is addicted to drugs or some other haram like that we have not forgotten about you! these buildings are gonna have addiction treatment centers and we will take the time to help you kick ur habit whether its injecting, smoking, sucking, fucking whatever it is. obviously the time for this will likely be longer than 6-9 months but thats ok the whole point of this is that if you want help we will provide that shit but if you dont wanna stop being an addict then guess what? you’re going down path 2

Path 2: Mr Beast: Homeless Czar
ok so if for whatever reason you are someone who didn’t want to take advantage of all the free shit that we are going to offer to you and basically the route to being a productive member of society who can have a good life then you will be placed with mr beast. that simple really

we will probably construct a huge compound (split costs between govt and mr beast) in one of the npc flyover states (south dakota maybe?) and transport all the people who didnt wanna go to homeless university there. now they are still gonna be given a place to live and food and all that shit but it comes with a caveat: mr beast kinda has free reign (obviously within certain legalities) to use you however he wishes for his content.

giving mr beast and his team tens of thousands of homeless people is basically like our version of the medici family funding da vinci to create whatever he wanted. he is going to be able to make so much media from this that America B (my term for all npc americans like ppl who like taylor swift or benson boone or ppl who already watch mr beast) is going to be transfixed by and have no choice but to consume.

this is where the money comes in. every episode of the Mr Beast: Homeless Czar Saga TM is going to be offered on pay per view. so many fucking ppl are gonna watch this shit and they will have to pay to do so and that is how we are going to make some of the money back for the costs that are going to have to be incurred to help the people who are actually wanting to be helped. obviously mr beast will get his revenue share for services rendered but ya. it’s kinda magical too bc even the worst apples of the bunch who have no desire to help themselves at all are basically helping make this whole thing possible by being part of Mr Beast: The Homeless Czar Saga TM.

so ya every homeless person is either gonna be reentering society as a productive member or being sent to mr beast in south dakota. theres no in between. you cant stay on the streets its one or the other. the most important thing here is that people who are genuinely wanting to not be homeless and have a good life can do so. along with that comes the secondary benefit that our cities will be markedly less mid without homeless people everywhere. legit everyone wins in this scenario i think you’re actually insane if you dont think this is the way to go

it doesnt help that their current ceo and cofounder alex karp is addicted to bag and the other main founder is peter thiel whose 2 most recent public episodes have been inviting clavicular the looksmaxxing god to a party where he most likely wouldve tried to diddy him and hosting a 4 day speaking series in san francisco about how he thinks the antichrist is coming and that he believes its a very real possibly that the AC is greta thunberg (ill probably end up writing a separate piece about thiel and his obsession abt the antichrist bc its a lot tbh).

they also have a sister company anduril whose ceo is palmer lucky, another autist who only wears Hawaiian shirts bc he thinks its a masterful gambit to seem different and oneshot other autists into liking him and thinking hes cool. Anduril is what the govt uses to eliminate individuals when the software from palantir determines that they are in fact arab and therefore need an anduril barracuda missile to permanently make a home in their bodily orifices.

and ya both of those company names are from lord of the rings. so the people that can tell if u have a fat baby jd vance pic on ur phone and can subsequently eliminate ur entire neighborhood block bc of it are huge fucking nerds too which is just the cherry on top.

now that i’ve adequately explained what palantir is we can get into what i would do if i had access to their all seeing orb. basically my whole idea with having data on what every person in the world does is just ensuring that mfs who have an obligation to do or not do something are actually adhering to their responsibility.

for example i think the vatican should genuinely be the number one customer of pally to make sure all their fucking priests worldwide are staying in line and if not they should obv have the option to barracuda missile them but ill leave that up to the pope. but fr they should know if someone representing them is sucking and fucking little kids. wait actually sucking or fucking anyone i forgot they arent allowed to raw anyone regrdless of age.

police departments should get pally, not to spy on citizens, but so they know if their officers are on some fuck shit taking bribes or getting eaten by prostys in exchange for not getting arrested or planting evidence like they did on luigi mang.

there should be a pally one time scan you can buy if u think ur significant other is slutting out elsewehere or if you wanna do a check before u get married and lock that shit down. in theory if ur marrying someone and u feel the need to buy that im gonna go out on a limb and say ur cooked regardless but it could be a useful tool for like ur parents or friends to do before they give the blessing and then only tell u if the scan discovered that that she in fact did not get invited on the yacht in skiami bc of her personality or that the guys trip to thailand involved extracurriculars with abgs that may or may not be long donging.

basically i think the ultimate information collector should only be used in positions where a mf has given their word to do or not do something and only in those situations. if u are putting an oath out there i should be able to use the omnipotent super computer to verify that ur not molesting boy scouts or framing someone for a crime bc ur too lazy and stupid to find out who actually did it or cheating on ur fiance bc ur a little bitch and cant break up w her.

thanks for reading guys…will be posting more rambling streams of consciousness

no more one year sabbaticals around here

R

Enough of that though let’s get into this shit. A couple months ago I started working out because I really want to be able to shave my head and wife beatermaxx around town (as in wear a wife beater not beat my wife) but feel like i need the Brad Pitt fight club body before i do so. Well I know i need it. It just wouldn’t feel right if i wasnt looking as fucking hung as he did for that movie. I mean he was literally so cut. Apparently at like 4% body fat. which is just otherworldly levels of him.

I’ve already lost my momentum on this workout grind bc i dont have a gym membership and my friend who had a home gym moved to dallas to pursue his dreams of licking boot in a corporate office. So im highkey cooked on rocking a beaty with a close shave for the moment. Summers over anyway so its actually fine bc ill be rocking barbour and filson all winter and will need my hair to be looking somewhat preppy (just tapped into the horse mane and tail shampoo early results are looking fire). This winter arcs about to be crazy though. I really think next summer my dream will be realized.

Back to the main point of this post though. Lowkey wanna ramblemaxx more to spite my readers but i’ll resist that urge bc this is a pretty important message i need to get out.

So because of the fact I dont know much about pumping and getting cut and whatnot i went and asked for advice from some of my friends who religiously workout and borderline have eating disorders bc they’re so obsessed with how they look. this was a huge mistake. like actually didn’t help me at all. i mean i totally didnt listen to any of the shit they said to me but it was lowkey highkey retarded so idc.

The part that stuck with me the most from my convos with them tho was that one of them fundamentally couldnt understand that i was trying to build lean muscle and not body build my way into looking like fucking arnold schwarzenegger. Like he was literally short circuiting at me trying to explain that i wasnt trying to build big muscles like him and instead just wanted to be lean and toned. It was like talking to a caveman he essentially just kept on going “but big muscle good” to whatever i was saying. I literally felt like i was gonna go insane.

This made me realize that most guys get in the gym and lose sight of why they’re in there in the first place. It goes from normal reasons like wanting to get healthy or to look hung to max out their wife acquisition abilities to the super gay reason of wanting to get as big as possible for the other guys in the gym to ooh and ahh at their big delts and pecs. Its so homoerotic. I promise u no one other than other guys in the gym wearing cut off t shirts and carrying around gallon jugs of water care about how fucking big ur muscles are. There’s a point of diminishing returns where u reach in your fitness journey where the general public (normal people) are like “oh ya that guys fit” and u can pretty much stay there but guys get obsessed with the validation they’ve been getting from other men in the gym so they just keep going and end up looking like a hamster u gave barry bonds levels of steroids too. This only impresses the other barry bond hamsters in the gym, normal people think u look grotesque and gay.

The reason they keep going on this journey instead of just stopping once they look relatively fit and hung is bc they forgot one key component on their self improvement journey. They forgot that just because you look healthy and in shape doesn’t automatically mean that girls are gonna start fawning over you. All it does is make it reduce a level of friction for girls to be like “ya this is someone whose face i’d like to eat”. You still have to have a level of confidence and charizz to get a girl to sit on your face. This fact is totally lost on most gym gigachads.

Bc of the fact they still aren’t getting the positive reinforcement from the female contingent of the population they just all glaze each other in what culminates into a steamy homoerotic echo chamber where they feel each other muscles and go “wow u lifted that heavy object so easily im super impressed and definitely not half chubbed rn.” Super gay.

If you’re trying to get as possible there’s pretty much only one way to do it without me thinking that you’re a gigantic loser. You have to get into a combat sport. Boxing is my favorite bc im highkey a homer for tradition and muhammad ali glazer and i think that grappling bullshit they do in the UFC where they writhe around on the ground and tangle their bodies into a caduceus adjacent figure is super sus. Muay thai is fine. Krav maga is out bc it was basically created to pummel brown people into the ground and i dont fuck with that. Also their military sucks so i take that as an indication that krav maga is useless. Judo, taekwando, and jiu jitsu are all fine imo. Boxing is easily the coolest though lets be real.

If you take up.a combat sport you can get as big as you want and i wont say shit to you. Partly bc my animal brain thinks its cool that u can do shit like that but mostly bc im not gonna say shit to anyone who could literally take my head off and subsequently stick their entire forearm down the opening of my newly unearthed esophagus.

So ya either work out and get in a normal level of shape or get into a combat sport.

So u finally get into the website that you KNOW has ur answer somewhere bc u literally saw it on the preview. You’re almost fucking there and are literally overflowing with anticipation and precum. But wait, u now have to go through literally 16 paragraphs of text to get to the one excerpt that u need. So much of the time i have to resort to using CTRL-F to get the answer to something like “Barney Stinson body count”. Way too much work for a search like that. Half the time i give up.

Idk if bing is better for niche searches like that bc i refuse to use that fucking dumbass site made for fossils and imma be real idk if other web search engines exist so i think we’re stuck with google for shit like that.

However, there’s certain searches that google is fucking cooked for. Restaurants, activities, DIYs, food recipes, a specific video that you saw years ago and just got reminded of, etc.

Literally every time u try to look up a recipe on google u have to pore through a 60,000 word article from Almond Mommy Granola Gretchen’s Kitchen Corner where she talks about how roasted chicken takes her back to her first eating disorder and how she got thru it and named her children Karsyn, Kayleigh, and Kimberleigh (KKK). Fuck u gretchen all i wanted to know was what temperature to heat my oven to so i could make my stupid ass chicken breast i got from kroger. Tiktok is so much better for anything food related its not even funny.

I fear i may be later on this phenomena than most because of the fact that im pick me and never got into scrolling tiktok (im a ig reel and twitter goblin), but nowadays whenever i need a restaurasnt rec, or food recipe (ya daddy cooks) i go straight to the tok. It’s perfect, the results are up to date, i get visuals from it, and i dont have to listen to some dumbass epilogue before i get what i need.

Activities and date ideas, go to tiktok. if you go to google you have to take advice from some 44 year old virgin on yelp about what to do. Fun fact, no one who posts on yelp fucks, ever. But google still pushes those losers to the top of the search results for whatever reason.

Use youtube for DIYs or finding an obscure video, their search algo for that is actually crazy. You can just type a quote from the video and youtube fucking spawns ur video from the ether its awesome.

Now, some of you may think that instagram has comparable pull to tok due to the fact that reels are basically the same as tok. You’re wrong. First of all reels are funnier. Second of all ig search feature is dogshit. Also i think tok just has way more content so its more encompassing.

Twitter: not calling it X because im not a mongoloid. twitter genuinely may have the worst search feature of all time. This is me searching up don on the night of the debate

Ya no for sure i want to look up dongji island and also donations goals z event laink. idek what the fuck either of those things are. This isnt even elon’s fault the twitter search feature has been horrible as long as I’ve had an account (2012 btw no big deal or anything).

Back to the main point though, google hasn’t made any real improvements to their search feature and have just been relying on the fact that everyone uses them and just coasted by. sometimes that shit works but in this case they’re legit losing a huge chunk of users to the china app. probably has a lot to do with the fact that big tech jobs are literally fake and just want to coddle CS degree holders from berkeley with a TC of 600k to do 12 hours of work a week as they spend the rest of their time drinking matcha and playing pickleball on their respective tech campi (plural of campus).

Im probably gonna write a stack about tech jobs that is inherently born out of an insane level of jealousy so ill stop my rant here. Google sucks ass. Thanks

This is a conversation space exclusively for subscribers—kind of like a group chat or live hangout. I’ll post questions and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion.

Join chat

How to get started

1. Get the Substack app by clicking this link or the button below. New chat threads won’t be sent sent via email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss conversation as it happens. You can also access chat on the web.

Get app

2. Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.

3. That’s it! Jump into my thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.

i discovered this method when i was on my first long drive and was hungry as fuck. the problem is that for whatever reason im highkey incapable of eating while driving. it overstimulates the fuck out of me and i start spiraling and freak the fuck out. most foods are just too hard to eat w one hand and even the ones that should in theory be easy, have a high probability of spilling and spilling in ur car’s the worst bc if it gets in one of those cracks and crevices ur fucking clipped. like imagine eating a burrito and u get some burrito bust like a chicken chunk w some queso glazed on it that falls in the black hole between ur seat and the center console. ur fucking cooked. its gone forever and now u have to worry abt a piece of chicken rotting in ur car and ruining ur life.

so i needed an alternative bc i was hungry as fuck.

enter davids original big jumbo sunflower seeds. it’s perfect. u dont need two hands at any point in the process and theres no potential for spillage unless u make an unforced error (shoutout daniil medvedev) whilst spitting sack into ur bottle. all u do is huck those seeds in ur mouth and then put down the bag (s/o mane menu) and pick that bottle up and start spitting #hawktuah! (hurting myself bc of that one i genuinely dont know what got into me i know im better than that)

one jumbo bag can effectively last you like 4hours in my experience. and as long as you’re constantly feeding your mind’s oral fixation you literally wont think about food. the one thing u gotta make sure to do is get the reduced sodium version. the normal version literally has so much fucking salt its insane. makes ur mouth feel like a dry sponge. tastes godly but highkey will demolish ur health. one normal bag literally has 123% of your daily sodium needs. so ya get the reduced sodium version.

now i dont give a shit if u wanna lose weight or not. ur BMI is not important to me. im just putting this out there if u wanna look a little more slim and athletic or if like me u cant eat while driving and ur on a long drive. this is something that will without a doubt print results for you. and im such a good guy that im not charging anything for this. Free, gratis, pro bono.

or u can be a sheeple and go get that ozempic pack and shove a bunch of chemicals and bullshit into ur body every day and spend like a band per month for the privilege to do so. not me, i’ll stick to all natural seeds and salt. thanks

So here it is, its honestly very simple and its probably something you’ve heard before. All you gotta do to reach the self-actualization peak of free speech is to just say “respectfully” before or after whatever heinous thing you want to so to or about someone. Personally i prefer saying it after whatever bullshit im emitting into the universe as i feel it stays fresher in the recipients brain and this way i think the negative perception of whatever ur saying is stifled more effectively.

Now obviously theres limitations to what u can get away with saying. Like if you were to go up to Peter Dinklage in a grocery store as he’s struggling to reach the middle shelf to grab something and say “hey bud it’d probably be easier for u to grab that box of lucky charms if u weren’t a fucking dwarf, respectfully” he would most likely still be upset with you. but honestly now that i think about it, i genuinely think his anger would turn to confusion because of the respectfully thrown in at the end. there’s a decent chance he’d fixate heavily on the respectfully which would give u the chance to talk him down from the ledge of fighting u or something. at the same time its peter dinklage so all you’d have to do give him a slight push and he’d fall over bc hes so damn top heavy with the way he totes around that massive domicile of his. he’d probably still think u were a dick tho so the “respectfully” gambit isn’t bulletproof but like i said i think it’d still help.

its interesting as to why this strategy works. my hypothesis is that most people are pretty conflict averse (bitchmade) so if u give them an out the human brain will just default to taking it. people dont wanna argue and it’s something that i feel like is becoming increasingly more evident as time passes on and the soyboy archetype takes over. gone are the days when if u even mildly upset some chad they’d roll up their sleeves and go “why i oughta” before one tapping u into an early slumber and then dipping their blonde wife and making out with them publicly while everyone claps and cheers. we’re truly losing recipes.

now this has a lot to do with he fact that u cant really get away with petty violence anymore. which i think is kinda fucking dumb. this is turning into a tangential tirade but im in a flow state and really wanna talk abt this now. in the first episode of the sopranos (shoutout Del Flazium) tony literally runs over some cuck in front of dude’s office building and then proceeds to get out the whip and beat the shit out of him with chrissy tapping in too. there’s no repercussions for this event though here were hella people on the office lawn. i think everyone should get one excused physical altercation per month. bc some people (like me) are really taking advantage of the fact that u can just say anything to people and throw in a respectfully and u cant do anything abt it bc is it really worth catching a charge?

holy shit i just got reminded of this dumb (lowkey lit) shit i did once. last time i was in new york (circa march 2024) i was at some bar with some of my friends. i went up to a group of guys bc they just screamed FLID (fucking long island douchebag). turns out they were from jersey but same thing so i proceeded to just make fun of jersey and them for being from jersey while throwing some “respectfullys” in there. now they were definitely mad and were chirping back but ultimately nothing came of it. the kicker is that the next day at the solomun concert im walking to the bar to reup on stella artois’s (teksupport’s official beer sponsor) and i feel some chad grab me. i turn around and its those same guys and they start apologizing to me. they’re like “bro we’re so sorry for getting tight* with you last night you were being mad funny actually so we just wanted to say sorry”. im shocked im getting this response from them but i just took it and was like “yall r good” and dapped them all up. crazy turn of events. power of the “respectfully” i guess.

* “tight” is jersey speak for being pressed at someone

we kinda went off the rails here but the larger point still stands: if u wanna be a dick to people and minimize the repercussions that u have to deal your solution is right here. try it out and let me know what results u get; if i can help just one person insult someone and get away with it, i’ll die happy.

P.S. crowdsourced some examples of respectfully in action along with some context for each and wanted to show y’all

• sender knew this chick for like a week and utilized this fire rizz

• sender is saying he would prefer to procreate with a melon rather than REDACTED

• sender is making derogatory terms about simone biles in the context of a conversation about how gymnasts (male and female) have weird body types

• sender and recipient are seen going respectfully for respectfully here, larger context being recipient didn’t have hoes to bring to the function and was defending herself

• sender is articulating that there is no need to be in memphis any longer than necessary

  • this is highkey slander memphis is top 2 city in the states

    • new york and memphis are 1.A and 1.B